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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I broke up after almost a year and nine months. We have communciation problems, she has been living wth me for most of the time we have been going out. We got into a an arguement three days ago she wanted a break i responded in how a break is like how we arent going out, and then we got into a fight and she told me i love you but i hate the yelling. And thats how it ended , she has moved all of her stuff out and into with her dads . After what had happened i signed up for counselling for how to communicate . I love her with all my heart i even at a point wanted to marry her. What can i do to get her back. How long should i wait to talk to her and what is the best method of communication i should use ( ie her dad hates me ) You are talking to guy who is willing to do anything i have nothing to loose and everything to gain pls help me
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): me and my girlfriend have been in arelationship for almost nine months three days before our nine months she started to act a little distant and i knew that was a problem she said she wanted to take a break and would give me her response in a few days it was a sunday morning and i had been invited by her mother and my ex to go help them cut down a tree for christmas at first i didnt want to go but i decided if i wanted another chance i would have to stay in contact with her so i decided to go and on our way back she said she was going to give me another chance but with a few changes one of them which was her not rushing to get her work done in college to be here and see me on thursday so we agreed so she said since it wasnt really a break we took when she was making her decision that she would rather not see me the whole week so she can study but we can at least talk for two days a week past and i called her i told her all the plans i had made for us when she came down for winter break she said that i should spend christmas with my family and then i felt this weird feeling as if a break up was going to hapen and it did ever since then i didnt feel like eating i would cry myself to sleep and just think about her 24/7 this girl has done so much for me and went out of her way just to please me and i felt that i wasnt appreciating her like i should and she felt the same way this girl made a big impact in my life i felt very connected to her family she motivated me to go back to school and she's always been there for me now that i lost her i cant think of nothing but her she said the feeling isnt there anymore and she doesnt want to give it another shot i've bougt her flowers wrote a letter on how im feeling and how much she meant to me but it didnt help i dont know what to go i just want her back i'll give anything for her what can i do
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello well I didnt know what else to do and my emotions led me to buy her 200 dollars worth of flowers and a letter saying how much see the real picture and she sent in an email stating thnks for the flowers but there shouldnt be any communication btwn us bc its not neccessary. I was upset phoned left a message about how i felt no swears , and then went to her house talked to her dad and said does she love me and he responded with its over and i said thankyou, since then i have dropped her mail off to her house no conatct with anyone and she has seen me at a couple festivals. What is the best solution now, that I should do ? Can you plese help I screwed up
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello well I didnt know what else to do and my emotions led me to buy her 200 dollars worth of flowers and a letter saying how much see the real picture and she sent in an email stating thnks for the flowers but there shouldnt be any communication btwn us bc its not neccessary. I was upset phoned left a message about how i felt no swears , and then went to her house talked to her dad and said does she love me and he responded with its over and i said thankyou, since then i have dropped her mail off to her house no conatct with anyone and she has seen me at a couple festivals. What is the best solution now, that I should do ? Can you plese help I screwed up
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 August 2006):
 Go through the communication course. Get the certificate.
Until then, DON'T contact her. She needs space and your desires are best served by her getting time alone and getting past her anger without you popping up and trying to "win her back".
Once you've had a few weeks to get past the immediate panic that follows a breakup, and once you've been through the communication course, I'd send her a postal letter. Tell her that you've been missing her, and tell her that you felt wretched about the argument, and took a course to help you overcome the problem. Send her a photocopy of the certificate as "proof".
Keep the letter short. End it by saying that you hope she'll give you another chance to prove that you love her.
After that, you can't do anything more. Some well-meaning people will give you endless hints about how to get someone back into your life, and those hints usually involve some jealousy game, but I'm hear to tell you that Honesty beats Head Games every time.
Only she can decide she wants you back. Nothing you can do can change her mind. All you can be is yourself and be the best ex-boyfriend she could ever imagine missing. If you two had something real and unique together, she'll remember it. That doesn't guarantee success and being reunited, but it's a hope.
Remember, when you're tempted to follow up your letter with an email, and a text and a phone call... she *does* know where you live. She knows your phone number. So if she wants to contact you, she will. If you start to nag and follow her, she'll just want to push you further away. And there's a fine line between hopeful and stalkerish...
So you make gentle contact (with your finished comm course), you wait, and you continue your life.
Just as you can't make someone love you again, you can't make someone give you another chance, so cross your fingers and carry on, because nothing you do can guarantee she'll want to get back together again.
Sorry if that seems brusque, but at times like these you need to face Reality, even when it's a bit harsh.
Wish you luck.
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