A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 1 year and I have moved into together and gotten pretty serious. I've always been the guy to be honest and not have things catch up with me in the later stages of a relationship. My girlfriend and I met on a Friday night, immediately had an attraction, and got along real well that evening. We kissed goodnight, and like everything, I thought in the back of my head that this would be no different, and there was a chance we'd never see each other again, because in dating and being single, nothing ever worked out.The day after meeting her, I was out with friends of about 10 people, and in those friends, there was a friend of mine that I have had a sexual past with. We never dated, never went on a date, but we were both single, and were doing nothing wrong (in my opinion) by having hooked up and kissed 2 or 3 times in the last 3-4 years. We all went out that evening, had alot to drink, and in my head I wondered if that night would be another night that something would happen sexually with this friend. In the end of the night, she had too much to drink, and got sick, in essense, ending the chance that anything would happen in bed. While in bed, I made a joke about us kissing goodnight, we laughed, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek goodnight like I would with anytone, then I made my joke about a kiss goodnight, and she laguhed and said it'd be gross due to getting sick. In the back of my head, I was bummed she got sick, but understood it all.That next day, I met my now girlfriend out, and since then I've never ever been like this about a girl. I love her with all my heart, we now live together, and are very happy. I've told her about this friend of mine and that we did have a past but the last time we actually slept together was over a year before I met my girlfriend. While it isn't the most comfortbale thing in the world, she knows I owed her nothing and has seen that this girl is no more than a friend. The other night we were talking about that night after we met, and I told her this girl slept in my bed, and that nothing happened, but she could tell it wasn't something that I haven't thought about because I have. I feel like I cheated on my girlfriend for having those thoughts about this other girl. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't think she needs to know that I kissed my friend on the cheek, and joking with her about a good night kiss and everything. We did almost kiss that night and the guilt I feel is it didn't happen because she got sick, not because of my girlfriend that I met the night before. She asked me why I felt so guilty and if I something happened? And I told her nothing happened, but I felt guilty because I love her now, and didn't like that I was in bed with someone being flirtacious and then seeing my girlfriend the next day.Was I honest? I left out the details, but was that okay? I have never cheated on someone and never will. I just want to make sure I handled this right.
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cheated on my girlfriend, flirt, kissing, moved in, sexual past Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Yes! You were honest.. I can see you really love your girlfriend..
Its ok, u knew ur gf 1 day, I understand what ur saying, but u didn't do anything wrong, thoughts we all have thoughts. Single, married, even very religious people & they pray :-) LOL!
You didn't do anything wrong! No cheating at all..
You are sweet guy for ur age..
Best luck w/ur girlfriend & don't think about anymore. You talked to her, its past & just look forward to spend many more years together...
A
female
reader, 1ConfusedGal +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I think you did/said everything right... had you already been in an actual relationship and let some girl (sick or not) sleep in your bed and be flirtatious then yes it would have clearly been a problem. Since you had just met your now girlfriend and still didn't sleep with the friend than honestly it really doesn't matter now. I wish more guys were like you to have a conscious and worry about stuff like that! Don't be hard on yourself... you are one of the good guys!
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