A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid :)After being single for 2 years after a VERY messy break up, I've been dating a wonderful guy for 2 months and he is amazing. I've never met anyone more thoughtful or caring and I feel so so lucky to have him :)But there are 2 problems. Firstly, neither of us had ever had sex before, and whilst we have moved on to that stage, I really lack confidence about my appearance and feel it difficult to let go. Even though he is always telling me how beautiful I am and how he finds me really sexy, I spend so much time worrying about how I look or the fact that I'm not doing it right that I'm getting a little insecure about it. I really want to be more confident about myself and let that come through in the bedroom, but it's really difficult! Any advice?Secondly, and I think this is a hangup from my last relationship (where my ex dumped me by email after 4 years and I found out from pictures on Facebook that he'd started seeing someone else) I seem to keep looking for problems. Even though there is NOTHING wrong, I feel like I keep seeing things that aren't there. There was a girl who really liked my boyfriend just before we started going out, and I keep wondering whether he wishes he was with her instead (she's a lot thinner and prettier etc). I know I need to stop looking for problems, as even though my guy is incredibly supportive and caring, I can't help but feel that eventually I will push him away.If anyone could offer any advice I would really, really appreciate it :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): u may be frightened by love or love-making . you should come to realise that love sometimes needs making so that life can be tasty. moreover, you should confide in youself. i think you may be shy. you should do smething to be more outgoing! good luck to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): this is like a page from my own diary.
i understand completely about how you feel in the bedroom, your troubles with your looks (mine were so bad i suffered from anorexia)and this other girl.
I have been with my guy for 1 month 9 days now and ive only got over a similar hell to what you are going through. trust me your not alone in this.
I was a virgin before i met my guy. i cant tell you how worried i was, especially when i was on top! and because i was so worried about this, i built my confidence up in little ways and you can too by doing these things -
a) look good, you feel good, you perform good.
go out, buy yourself some new lingerie, most people go to fancy places like la senza or ann summers but quite frankly - too exspensive. You can actually find cheaper and just as sexy lingerie and more common shops like tesco's charming range or primark who are having a great sale at the moment.
i used to think i was real bad looking, i bet your a really beautiful girl whose blinded by fear of loosing your boyfriend to another girl, you think so much and love your boyfriend so much that your fear of loosing him is making some/few other girls seem a threat - believe me, they're not.
I really did have the same problem and ive over come it. read the paragraph above, and give it time, soon you will come to peace and realise that he is all yours and maybe your not sexy in your eyes right now but he thinks your really hot.
your his first too, so heres some comforting thoughts -
a) he hasnt done it with anyone else so you cant be compared to anyone
b) he hasnt done it before, so he wont know any different.
i can give you so much advice on sex and foreplay and how to go from "thats really good" to "oh My god (name) dont stop baby"
so heres my personal msn : [email address blocked]
and phone number: 07516457490
it wont cost any extra than your normal rate or is free if your using your free minutes.
I hope you do contact me cause i have been through the same thing as you and i can help you.
all the best,
angel x
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