A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am in relationship with a man who has problems communicating. When he is angry, instead of discussing what's wrong he will displace his frustrations by making mean or negative comments and avoid the real issue. Recently a close family member of his died suddenly. Since this happened we have only spoken once which was very uncomfortable. We usually are close and speak often, but I have decided to give him some space. I know that he deals with anger by displacing it on others and I don't want to be the one he takes it out on. Am I wrong for not calling or seeing him in his time of grief or should I just stay away? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (19 July 2007):
 I'm not sure "how" close you are to him or how long you 2 have been in your relationship, however, I would let him know that you are always there for him...whether it's by phone, a sympathy card or even in person for a quick minute. It is good to let him have his time to grieve, because I am sure that is what he needs to do, but he also needs to know that you are there for him if he needs you. Many individuals, and not necessarily men, are not so great in communication...opening up that is. Best ways that I have learned to handle them are...by confronting them in a very nice way and letting them kinda lead the way, but still trying to get to the bottom or root of the problem. It's also best to NOT confront someone when they are "in" the mean mode, but to wait till they have calmed down and can better ratiionalize what is going on. Sometimes to, and I hate to say it, there is no way. Some people just don't care or have that desire to want to talk things out, which no, it isn't good or even healthy for them, but it's just how they are gonna be.
I do wish you luck and pray things will eventually work out for the both of you. Keep your chin up and YOU stay positive and happy, no matter what!!! :)
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