A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi...I'm in a complicated situation with my girlfriend. We have been going out for two years. In the first year we broke up for a period of three weeks due to arguing and my jealousy. We got back before I went to University..I spent my whole first year of Uni missing her and holding on to hope that she might get in to the same way one as me. This didnt happen and we had to face distance once again. We saw each other every 2 weeks taking it in turns to visit. Everything was perfect, we were perfect. I started to go through a rough and selfish period in my life when i wasnt there for her when she needed me, I smoked weed and lost grip of my own life and our relationship. Over a period of two weeks i went through a phase of stupidity and broke up with her. I broke her heart in a way ill never forgive myself. not only did I let her down, I let myself, my friends and family down. After a short time I realised that she brought out the good in me, she gave my life such a purpose, she put alot of things into perspective for me. I had made the biggest mistake of my life and threw away the one person that meant everything. I made changes in my life to become the person she loved at the beginning, I give up smoking, attended my classes, stopped drinking and went to a pyschologist. Before i asked her for another chance i made sure within myself that if she give me it, i would never let her down again and i would make her as happy as she made me. after a while we did get back. this is where my dilemna currently lyes. Her parents have disassociated themselves with me and will not support or encourage anything to do with me. They had to experience her broken heart and help her deal with it so I dont hold them responsible but I know inside that every parent ultimately wants ther children to be happy, one thing i want to spend the rest of my life doing for her. When we came back from University to home (we live quite close) things became very confusing..she asked me for a break and then told me the following day that she had lied and kissed someone else and that she would never have looked or kissed anyone else the first time round and she doesnt know what is going on with her. She told me that she hopes she hasnt ruined everything and that she loves me. (the guy she kissed was the same guy she got with over the period of time we were broken up) I told her i could look beyond her kissing him and that i deserved it to a certain extent. I just wanted to make her happy because I cant/dont want to see myself with anyone else. This was ok and we continued to see each other and talk, we slept together, she told me she loved me but i still felt distant, i felt like she wasnt all there but part of her wanted to be. A couple of days later she asked me to call...I did and she said she wasnt sure if she could do this, she knows wat she wants but shes not sure if its what she needs. She said everything was difficult, she loves me but she doesnt want to tell everyone we are back because if i let her down again the same people will judge her. She assured me that it had nothing to do with him and that she loved me. I said if you love me ud wanna be with me. I asked her if shed like me to leaver her alone, she said no. I told her id wait, she said she couldnt ask me to do that. I said ur not asking me I want to. So we ended the conversation with me waiting and told each other we loved them. I love her so much, evry part of her makes me smile. I could list forever things about us that make us perfect. If things are tuff but she wants to get back with me, i wanna be able to help her. I would wait forever on her, but I dont know if ive lost her already. I havent heard from her in a couple of days and i dont want to text or call as im presuming she needs space. I just have no idea what to do and I need to revise for exams and find away to deal with the worst if its just round the corner. But every min I think of her and think of the future I can promise her, i aslo wish I could say something to show her im serious and i never intend to hurt her again. Im just clueless as to what to do. At the end of the day her hapiness is the most important thing to me and if it doesnt include me i will accept it but if i can do anymore I will because i knw that for someone to love her as much as i do is virtually impossible. Any help or advice would be appreciated.Thanks a million-----[Mod note to the OP: Thank you for opening up to us to seek help, and hopefully we can offer you some advice and solace here. However, in the future, please break down your question into several paragraphs to make it more reader friendly. Thank you]
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionZarathustra,Seems the worst was just round the corner..yesterday we broke up. She told me that while she is with me things are perfect, but when she is not she gets protective and weird. If it isnt anything to do with the other guy I presume it must be that she has fallen out of love with me and cannot trust me enough to give back her heart. Your right about memories..I cherish them, even the smallest little things like when we play pool or watch TV. If you could meet her you'd understand how brilliant she actually is. I just dont know how i'll move on and get over her. Everyone says you have to and you have to go at it 100% but it feels like im just kidding myself trying to replace someone who makes you feel so special and gives you the drive to wake up in the morning and know that she'll be there with you every step of the way. I dont rely on her and I dont think ill not ever get over her. I just dont want to, because loosing her is not just loosing a person, its loosing true authentic love and purpose. I just wish I could have met her when we had both graduated or i wish I could have been stronger for her. All this i suppose is now just a dream and I have to face reality rather than think what could have been. Im studying Engineering, with exams not a long way away. I have an Industrial Placement year beginning next year with an Interview coming shortly so I have to concentrate on my priorities now. I wish she could have been a part of my life and me, hers. But I suppose it wasnt meant to be and as I said in the original post her happiness is ultimately mines, so if its not me.. I hope, whoever it is and whatever she does, makes her as happy as she made me, she desrves it and more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionZarathustra,Firstly, thanks for your reply. As i said i'd wait forever but my patience isnt great..not because i dont wanna miss out being single. I just feel like everday I dont speak to her is another day she can get use to not being with me. I also feel like we are hanging on by a thread and it breaks my heart to feel like shes slipping away and I cant stop her. But while ther is hope i will wait. I suppose I just need to do as you say and wait. If this space and time for her can make things they way they used to be then shes not hurtin me by trying to make things better. But if we cant make things better then I am hurt because were do we go from there? At the end of the day I wanna be with her regardless to what it takes. If she could live my life for a day she would see and feel the commitment and love I have for her.
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