A
male
age
30-35,
*ean21
writes:Alright, so me and my girlfriend have been going out for a little over 2 years with like 2 little breaks thrown in. Anyway the problem is that I find her to be really under affectionate. I am a very affectionate person I like the kisses and I love yous and the handholding cuddly stuff all day. I feel like she sees it as a chore. I know for a fact that she was raised cold, she said she was raised by wolfs. Me on the other hand not so much. My past relationships were far from vanilla and I was constantly covered in affectionate clingy women. I love this woman and we plan on getting married in the future I know she loves me its just the only time she gives me affection is when its out of guilt because she knows I want it because i start acting distant. What do I do?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 May 2015):
 I'll contribute my age-old take on this matter:
IF your partner never tells you that he/she loves you.... LISTEN TO HIM/HER!!!!!!
If you and your partner do not have matching S/S/I(*) menus, then your "relationship" is doomed to failure. (S/S/I means Sexual, Sensual, Intimacy....)
You can ruminate on this all you want. The only question I would pose to you, is: Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
Good luck...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2015):
 she is what and who she is. Get a copy of the book "The five languages of love' or check out the website for the test to tell you how a person defines love.
I am a words person. My husband is a gifts and acts of service. I like to say "i love you" he NEVER says it.
BUT since he defines love as "acts of service" I have learned to interpret his actions and I've learned to do things to tell him I love him as my words mean nothing to him.
Perhaps it's the same thing with your GF.
You say you plan to marry but you are already unhappy with your level of affection... once you marry it will drop even lower. How do you plan to cope?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2015):
 I know this is a disappointing answer but...., what about accepting this is how she is, and that different people have different needs for physical closenessa and intimacy. You may be heaven for some women - and way too much for others. ( I was not raised by wolves , yet - cuddly stuff ALL DAY ? OMG !! *gasp* ).
You tune it down , .. and she makes an effort to crank it up a notch , after you have TOLD her - no sulking , no distancing yourself as punishment - that this is what you want, just a little compromise to start meeting each other halfway. It will feel forced at first but maybe in time you'll become naturally more in sync.
Of course , if this is a deal breaker for you, and your ideal partner must be a 24/7 Carebear - well, she isn't , so draw your conclusions from there. But,if all the rest is good, it seems such a pity to break up just because she is not draped around your neck like a silk scarf...
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