A
male
age
41-50,
*ybera
writes:ok its so complicated.ive been with my girl for 9 years and we have 2 kids.theres been a lot of crap went down between us in the past.shes been going out a lot latley, and isnt really honest about what goes on.so ive done a stupid thing.i installed one of them keyloggers on my computer to find out whats been going on.everytime i read her messages (and i shouldnt) i find ut more and more.i cant comfront her about it beacuse im in the wrong spying.but im not a mug and i know shes lying and this seems to be the only way to get the truth!she said to her freind on messanegr that she wanted to be straight about her whole life but bottled it because she has too much to loose. she promises me when i ask her if theres any secrets that there is none.the worrying thing is she was out on sat night and what she has been sayin since has me really worried.her and her freind were on about having sex while on there periods, and they both agreed with it, then her freind said"not with a stranger though"and she replied"well mine started on sat lol"i mean how else am i meant to read into that?i love her so much and dont want to loose her but im going insane and she knows im being funny with her.should i just forget about it and stop spying or should i keep spying until i get more evidence?or should i just face up to her with what i know even though it will probably tear whats left of us apart?her freind that she keeps going out with is having sex with 2 men and has just left her husband.im so worried and dont knwo what to doany help gratefully recieved!thanks
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male
reader, Blessbybeer  +, writes (8 August 2009):
Was up BrotherHey sitting right here, I know where you coming from, because im almost in the same boat that your in. The only thing is that I dont have any kids with the girl.. Yeah, i been also been spying on my girlfriend and we both know its wrong. But now that cat is out that basket... Yes, she been cheating on me.. You should keep it to your self and don't tell her that you been spying on her. It's only going to make shit wrost then it already is.The first thing you have to do, is bring it to her attention. That you know, she cheating on you. But, then in a personal level you need fig out why is not happy. However, she need to want to make it work. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know it hurts! I wish you the best of luck. There this book called the Enneragram by Don Riso and Russ Hudson it has help me a lot, with my situation
A
male
reader, cybera +, writes (30 July 2008):
cybera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh its such a mess lol:(thanks for all your sound advice its helping a bit :)x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): It is wrong to spy like that, but since you have already had a look, you can't just pretend you didn't read her messages. I agree with the other posts that you need to sit down with her and have a serious talk about what is going on. Trust is a very important in a relationship and let her know you are having a hard time trusting her. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!
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A
female
reader, marmalade22 +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Definitely talk to her about it. Don't tell her you installed the keylogger until she opens up to you. If she still sticks with her "everything is fine" when you feel she is lying to you, then hold out. But oddly, in this crazy day and age of technology, we do get to be our own private detectives. I do know what you are feeling.
But if this continues, follow her on her nights out if you think she is doing something to hurt your relationship. I believe that words are cheap and proof is in the pudding. If she is meeting up with a man and doing this behind your back, you have to prepare yourself to be the bigger person and love yourself enough to get out of the situation or get some counseling with this woman. Please keep your children in mind and be strong enough to keep your anger and hurt at bay IF she is having a fling. People make mistakes. We are all human but that's not to say you have to forgive her for lying IF that is what she is doing. She may just be out flirting to boost her own insecurities. It happens.
Be careful. Protect your heart and know you are worthy of love.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 July 2008):
I think you need to sit down and talk to her. Tell her you know something is going on and that she's not happy. Ask her if she wants to split up but is staying for the kids.
Give her a chance, perhaps not to come clean but to talk about the problems in her relationship with you. If she refuses to talk about it then just say you don't want to be with some one who doesn't want to be with you.
She's said herself that she has a lot to lose. Let her know she's in danger of losing it and she might open up.
Good Luck!! xx
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