A
female
age
36-40,
*uthyHart
writes:My fiance cheated on me to have a 3 some with men, and he had a bunch of text messages, emails.. he made up profiles for sex ( for both men and women) hes a liar! but he confuses me, makes me think im wrong when i feel so badly in my heart that i am right. im affraid to talk to any of my friends or family.. about what he does behind my back. He goes on sites and posting ad's to go down on guys and every thing that goes along with that.everytime i confront him when i spy on his phone and i notice he reading ads about men wanting a man for sex, he denies it then he accuses me that i make him think about that stuff because i bring up what he did in the past. and i try talking it out, but he wont ever talk to me about anything personal.. he just says "he doesnt know why"It grosses me out, cuz ive read in complete detail in ads that hes posted on what he wants men to do to him... and i cry and i hurt so much.. how could he do that to me. how can he say he wants to marry me and try to get me pregnant :( he doesnt hit me or my son. and he provides us a home and money.My question is: what do you think is going on in his head? am i wrong for feeling hurt? should i leave him?
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cheated on me, fiance, liar, money, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Get you and your son out and away from this budding Porn star as quickly as you can - forget about saving money, look around at what you can sell to cover your transport costs back home and just get the hell out of there! If you carry on playing the victim what kind of message are you giving your son? So get out now, if not for your own sake then at least for your son's. This guy sounds bisexual, and not just 'ordinary' bisexual, but seedy and porn loving, and so finds the sleazy side of life exciting and addictive. That's fine if it suits you and doesn't hurt anyone, but when it involves an unwilling or unknowing partner, it gets plain dangerous. You are aware of the health risks he's taking, and he then comes to you and has sex with you. So if you don't get out immediately then you can't start crying when you find you have AIDS or some other STD, can you? And who will look after your son then?
A
female
reader, RuthyHart +, writes (3 September 2011):
RuthyHart is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am in the process of leaving him, i just need to save money to get back to california to my family (im in georgia) i dont know anyone out here :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): Why try to work out what is going on in his mind. It wont make you accept it. You dont really want to leave but you know you will have to. He is addicted to seedy sex. This sex is not love making or fun and games between two people in a relationship. It happens outside a relationship,or being single. You are in danger and he is far too dirty to touch.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): RUN AWAY. GET AWAY FROM HIM. He is being emotionally manipulative and abusive and things will only get worse. BREAK UP WITH HIM NOW BEFORE HE MESSES YOU UP ANY WORSE. Please, I'm begging you, please break up with him, he is using you. Don't give him a reason or an explanation because he will just try to mess with your mind and convince you that you have done something wrong or that your thoughts are wrong. Don't engage in that crap, don't explain yourself to him, and don't back down if he tries to get you back and "shapes up" for a little while, it's only temporary. Please, please dump him. If you're not strong enough to do it alone, get a friend to help you stay away from him, go stay with your mother for a couple of months, go live in a HOTEL for a while until you're not addicted to him any more and you can see his behaviour objectively without him making you get all mixed up. Some guys have this weird mind-control, chemistry thing and they can make you all confused and muddled so that you think that you're wrong, when really he is. Please, I have been in this kind of relationship, things are not going to get better, and if they do, not for long. PLEASE break up with him before you get hurt any more. I'm begging you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 September 2011):
 The quick answers to your three questions:1. Who cares what is going on in the head of this lying, cheating dog?2. You are perfectly right to feel hurt. This L-C-D is making a fool of you....3. Yes. ... as quickly as possible....P.S. The "fact" that he doesn't hit you... and that he provides you a "home" and "money" is of no consequence to the overwhelming other details of your submittal....Good luck...
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