A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My question may seem strange but please answer honestly I really want to stop but I can't.Hi i'm 27 and I have been having an affair with a married woman I met at work. She is a year older than me and has 1 child. We seemed to click straight away. First we were just friends, but I asked here for a coffee and she agreed. She said she had been unhappy in her marriage for around a year (not feeling valued). The relationship is intense and I think the fact that she is married adds to the excitment. I was wondering if any men on here have been cheated on by their wife and what it feels like? I feel like I should stop seeing her but the high of taking everything from a man but his life is to much to give up. It seems like i'm driven by an urge I can't control. Are these instinctual urges?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Marriedtwokids  +, writes (25 October 2008):
First impressions of your post set my BS detectors working overtime: are you for real or are you hoping to get some poor guys to actually answer your question in order to fuel your w*** fantasies?
OK, lets assume you are for real and your problem is real. But the question remains: why do you want to know how the husband will feel? Is it going to make you stop? You must know in these situations it is going to be ruinous for the husband. Why do you need to be told the obvious? Is it so you can heighten your sense of power by hearing the painful stories of others?
I suggest that you are feeding an addictive behavior. I can believe that the thrill you refer to is exciting, but surely its ultimately hollow and damaging. What if she ditches you, or worse, leaves her husband for you? No longer are you stealing another man's wife and she will become uninteresting in your eyes. Are you going to go through life engaging in thrilling but pointless and stunted short term relationships with married women or are you going to get a life?
The actual answer is to grow up. If you can't, get some professional help to grow up. People often refer to "instincts" and "urges" as a get out of jail card for what is often some very unattractive/destructive behavior they have chosen to engage in. The mark of a adult, as opposed to a child, is precisely the ability to control ones choices and recognise the consequences of your actions.
Ultimately it's your choice and your life. Just don't ask everyone else to support and feed your destructive (for you as well as others) choices and/or fantasies.
PS Please no one actually give him the stories he asks for.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): The previous poster hit the nail on the head.
You might think you are powerful now, but you will be destroyed when the time comes.
Karma will see to that.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Beery +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Firstly, you're not taking anything away from this guy. His wife is doing that. You're just the tool this woman is using. Also, you are potentially going to be blamed for threatening the welfare of this woman's child (but again, you're just the excuse). Does any of that make you feel better? Thought not.
Look, the only person you're hurting here is yourself. You're fooling yourself if you think you're the powerful one here. You are in the weakest position in this messed up threesome that you've chosen to be a part of. Even if you 'steal away' this woman, what makes you think that a two-timing person like her will stay faithful to you? These folks are usually serial offenders. You would simply be her next victim.
I advise you to seek professional help, because you clearly have some issues that are causing you to get involved in pointless relationships like this. Maybe you feel you need to get some sort of revenge on other men for some reason, but doing this won't achieve that. I also advise you to tell your partner in this twisted scenario to get help too. If anything she's more screwed-up than you are - at least you're not threatening the safety of your own child.
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