A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know it was wrong...but should I still be dealing with this? Okay, this is a fairly lengthy situation, so please hear me out, I would love some opinions/advice.I dated a guy about a year and a half ago for a few months. He broke up with me with little explaination and I was pretty hurt about it (at the time). A few months later, I met an amazing man, at a time when I could least expect it. He was everything I had every dreamed about and more. I am still with this fantastic guy and feel very lucky to have him. My story begins when me and my current amazing boyfriend were dating for about 2 months. I went out with some girlfriends to a holiday party and to a club afterwards. I hadn't drank in a long, long time and I definitely drank far too much. I know it is never an excuse, but this particular night I was not in control. My boyfriend was not there, but toward the end of the evening I ran into the ex that I mentioned above. I don't rememeber all of the details, but I remember (and my best friend who was with me remembers) him attempting to make small talk (to be nice) and soon into the convo, the fact that he broke up with me in such an immature way came up. I don't remember much after that but I know that I had told him I was seeing somebody new (I was very excited about this great guy) and probably other small talk. Later on in the night, after the hours of 1am,my friend (very very intoxicated) said they were leaving. According to her, I said I would get a ride with some other ppl I knew. Soon after my ex and I met up on the dance floor and dance for what I think was less than a whole song. We did dance close and I remember vaguely smiles and flirting but I don't remember what exact conversations went on... I ended up going to somebody's house with him and some other people after the party, nothing further happened as I passed right out. The next morning, 7am I confessed all the details I could recall to my amazing boyfriend. I even encouraged him to contact this other guy if he needed more details (he didn't, but asked mutual friends of his what they knew) and he also talked to my best friend who had been with me most of the night. He was crushed. I told him if he needed to break up with me, I understood but to know that what I did was definitely not something I meant to do, or somthing I would ever do sober!! Since then I haven't been drunk a single time (to earn back trust and because I was so disgusted with myself) and I have done nothing to make him think that I am the type of girl to hurt him in that way. I know what I did was terribly wrong, and there are days when I think, "Do I deserve to have this guy after what I did?" (even though I did not kiss, make out, sex or anything like that..and I have nooooo interest in this ex!!!!). My amazing bf and I are still dating today, but he brings it up every now and again, saying that he just needs reassurance or that he "wishes he had more details".... but there really are none to be had... I feel very sad and guilty when he brings it up. What do I do?? Will this always bother him?? He says it won't, and that he trusts me... but if he feels he deserves better, I wish he would end things (even though I would be devastated). I know in my heart nothing like this will ever happen again,but I am wondering if he still aches over this all the time and what would the right thing to do be??? Please help!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 It's probably been playing on his mind, but to be honest I think much of that is because of the way you have handled this. He can't help but think about it when you keep reminding him of it (by word or deed). And he can't help wondering if there was more to it after you've made it out to be the crime of the century.I understand you feel badly, but I think you're allowing your guilt and shame to overshadow everything. There was no kissing the ex, fondling, provocative touches or whispers, and no contact before or after. The worst thing you did was get drunk. That's it.You were honest about it, you expressed remorse and you haven't drank to excess since. Stop mentioning it, apologizing for it and trying to make amends. Learn to relax, be matter of fact about it and let time do the rest.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): If this had happened a year into the relationship then I would find it questionable on your part. But two months? That is the very beginning of the relationship when you both are still just testing the waters. Not only that but at that point, you had very recently broken up with the last guy. Which was not just a break up, but kind of a bad one that left you without closure. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You are crazy about this guy and you did nothing wrong. It is natural for him to wonder, of course. It is not a nice situation for him to have in his mind. But next time he brings it up you need to be confident and explain to him why you feel what happened, happened. You were left very confused after the last break up which had been very recent and was still fresh in your mind when you met him. It is no reflection on your character or on how you feel about him, but rather on how you felt about relationships in general. If your ex could walk away without explanation, how could you judge your own perceptions when it came to judging somebody else's merit when it comes to protecting your heart. That's all.Just tell him it was a strange time in your life but you love him, you always did and he has nothing to worry about.
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