A
female
age
30-35,
*eyna
writes:Hi, my name is Reyna, i need you to help me.Today I ended things with a guy who obviously didn't care about me. We dated for 4 years and i truly can't remember the last time i felt like i was worth something. I want to give you some quick inside in our relationshp:We started dating and everything was great, but then he changed and started talking to girls and lying about everything to me. With several breakups and fight, we celebrated our second year together, 4 months later i got pregnant. We were fine for 6 months into the pregnancy, then he left me for no reason and a week later i found out he had a girlfriend(Tania).2 months after that he came back and told me he was sorry and that he had left Tania because he loved me. I took him back.The baby came and we were together for about a week before i realized he had been talking with another girl(julia). We broke up again for 3 months and then he came back to apology and i, again, took him back. After that i saw a changed, and i thought everything was going to be ok.But about 2 days ago, 7 months after our last break up, i found out he had a facebook account and that his only contact is a girl from Seattle(Jodi). I asked him what was all that about and he came clean: he had dated her for 6 months before i got pregnant, they were pretty serious and he was going to move from where we currently live to Seattle with her, but after he found out i was pregnant he decided to stay here because of my pregnancy.He said he hasnt talked to her since that happened which is almost 2 years( i dont really believe him since he had that account which he erased today) but he also confessed that he has been talking with a girl from chicago in a romantic way(Anie).So today, after thinking a lot , i decided to let him go, and he didnt even say a thing, just "ok,i got to go", and left like i didnt matter.I know this was the right choice but instead of relief, i feel so empty and lonely, i feel like i did something wrong to make him act that way.I truly dont think someone will love me, i dont think im worth it.this was the first time that i opened up with someone, and look where it got me.I dont know what i did wrong, i feel so lonely and stupid because i didnt left him before, maybe i wouldnt be hurting so much as i am,seriously, what is wrong with me?What do i do next after all this damage? My heart cannot take this things anymore.I dont want to let him come back in my life again, but after a while i know i could get more open to the idea if he apologizes to me, what can i do to stop that from happening?Please,help me, any advice will be helpful, i dont know what to do with myself.Thanks for reading this long post.
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broke up, facebook, talking to girls Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Reyna +, writes (26 September 2009):
Reyna is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks to everyone that helped.. everyone was great..
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (4 May 2009):
 I am in the same shoes you are in. I feel your
Pain. It gets so hard some days . You just
Have to keep telling yourself that he was no good
For you and he doesn't love you. most of all
he Doesnt DESERVE YOU!! You are better than him!!
Be strong for your baby's sake ! Don't ever think you
Are not worth it because you are!!! I can tell in
Your heart you have an amazing heart! Don't
Let him use and abuse it anymore !!
The future will be bright! This is a life learning
Lesson for you. To love yourself!
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (4 May 2009):
I am in the same shoes you are in. I feel your
Pain. It gets so hard some days . You just
Have to keep telling yourself that he was no good
For you and he doesn't love you. most of all
he Doesnt DESERVE YOU!! You are better than him!!
Be strong for your baby's sake ! Don't ever think you
Are not worth it because you are!!! I can tell in
Your heart you have an amazing heart! Don't
Let him use and abuse it anymore !!
The future will be bright! This is a life learning
Lesson for you. To love yourself!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): wow what a wxxker as we Brits say. (maybe without the x's and an in there)
right good news you have got rid of him - get rid of him for good. You are not a harbour that he comes running to every time there is a problem for him only for him to reload and refuel and head of to sea again.
Yes you are going to feel lonely and is going to hurt. You have just split up with someone regardless of above, you do care for. However what you need to do now is find someone who is into you.
Breakups are hard - I have given what i think is good advice in this post.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-move-on-after-breaking-up.html
This also will apply to you. What we have to do is focus on the future and what you want and need. You need to find someone who is into you - really into you, someone who won't mess around with your affections, you deserve better - you have finally done the right thing here. Go find someone else and this guy will become history.
go find the one who is into you.
Hugs star.x.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I understand how you feel...I too have felt like this with a man. No matter what I did to show I loved him, he never loved me back. And I started to wonder how I could be so unlovable that after everything I did for him, he still wouldn't love me. I kept forgiving him after every time he broke my heart, because I wanted to believe he loved me and that he was just a man who made mistakes. Finally, after all the times we broke up and all the times that he just seemed so indifferent, like it didn't matter either way if he was with me or not, I was able to let go of him. How? Honestly, I met another man who was much kinder to me. I realize, though, that it is not so easy to do when all you can think about is your current bf.Even if I don't think I'm the greatest girl in the world to deserve the greatest guy in the world, I at least deserve someone to love me as much as I love him. I completely understand that it is extremely difficult to let go of someone you love and who "seems" to be sorry for what they did to hurt you. But you have to realize that human nature acts in a way that if you keep letting him hurt you (ie: forgiving him and taking him back) and cheat on you, he will always, always feel in some way that it is ok...even if he doesn't admit it or realize it himself. And no matter how lonely and desperate you feel, you must believe that there will be someone else who will treat you better. Nobody deserves to be constantly cheated on...and whoever actually "deserves" to be cheated on, probably doesn't even care about such a relationship in the first place. You obviously care and are hurting a great deal for this man. You do not deserve to be treated like this.My best advice is to talk to friends or family about this so that they can help support you and remind you not to go back to him. I know how easy it is to forgive and forget when all you want is to not be alone. That's why it is extremely helpful to surround yourself with other people who care about you..even if you can't see yourself ever forgetting this guy. Also, if I were you, the thought of my child being affected negatively by this man constantly hurting me, would be enough for me to let go of him. I admit, though, that I do not have children of my own. And I realize that he is the father of your child, which makes things a hundred times more difficult. Still, in the end, I know that a child needs its mother more than anything, and that in order to take care of your baby, you have to be strong for him/her. It should truly be your motivation for staying away from him. If he wants to be in his baby's life, he will be...but will also allow you to have your distance from him until you are strong enough to be on your own. YOU are most important because YOU are the only one who will be there for your child. Take comfort in getting to love your baby and having your baby to love you back. And watch "the waitress"...she ends up finding the courage to leave her disrespectful husband because she finds hope in her new baby. Good luck, dear.
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