A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my boyfriend of 2 years recently. I have a child and he was great with her. Before we dated, he claimed he was very open with his emotions but it couldn't have been further from the truth. He clammed up at any mention of emotions and I found him cold at times. I decided to ask him where he wanted our relationship to head as I had to consider my daughter. He dropped the bombshell that the physical side of things weren't great and that he didn't fancy me anymore! He's totally crushed my confidence and I feel so hurt. There were issues with sex in that he never came during intercourse which I found unusual but he said it had always been a problem for him. I can't figure it out! He denies there being anyone else, even just an interest, and I believe him. We parted amicably but I'm struggling to come to terms with it. Despite our problems, I feel as if he's thrown something special away and that being together properly and talking more might have solved certain issues. I know it might seem that my ego is just wounded but I know there's something that isn't adding up! Any suggestions?
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female
reader, beehive  +, writes (29 June 2009):
As someone that has a bf who also occasionally has that problem, and is somewhat cold as to emotions...I know where you are coming from. It's taken a year and a half for my bf to even express that he loves me. Sometimes things just take time. However, you shouldn't let him place the blame on you for things not working out for you two in the bedroom. It is very obvious that he has a problem, and that problem is not going to be resolved for him by simply seeking a new relationship. As you mentioned, he has indicated that his problem has occurred in relationships prior to you. My bf has said the same thing. Perhaps, the reason why he ended things is because he doesn't want to tear down his guard, and that is something that eventually has to happen in every relationship, if it's going to be healthy. I think you should try talking to him about all of your issues (bedroom, and otherwise)...if he just wants to give up, then you'll have to be strong, and move on. Maybe though, you can work things out. Good luck.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Not coming during intercourse isn't just a small problem ... it is very rare, and strange. If it is an emotional issue (which it v likely is), then it means he can't let go - he can't forget himself and trust for those moments. On a very deep level. I think you need to see his rejection of you in this context. He probably had hopes you would help him overcome these problems, but you didn't, because you couldn't, because they are his problems. And then he got dissaffected/disappointed, and then he stopped even having the heart to try with you. Once you made him feel hopeful, and then you turned to making him feel hopeless, so he ditched you.I am sorry - it is horrid, especially when he has been in your child's life. All you can do is talk to him, even if just to make yourself feel better.nz
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