A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split up from my fiancé 7 weeks ago due to not making any time for me I’ve tried talking to him loads of times he just walked out on me whenever I tried talking to him so I ended the relationship I did feel better about it up until Sunday gone he turned up at mine wanting to talk one thing led to another and we had sex which I know was stupid it shouldn’t of happened now I don’t know where we go from here as I think the not making any time for me problem will still be there any ideas what to do thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2018): A lot of people have done this, including myself, the feelings are there and it happens but then for me there was a noticeable change in him and i didn't want to repeat the experience, the feelings had simply shifted from love to just having sex. I would try and let him go and not encourage contact or casual sex with him, it will only lower your self esteem. If it is over let him go, if both of you want to make another go of it, resume the relationship but keep sex out of it until it is established again, don't become his booty call x
A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (21 June 2018):
 Blimey ! you would be hard pressed to find someone who has not done either the make up or for old time sake sex with an ex. Be kind to yourself. You can move forward and you should if you have come to the conclusion things wont change. What you need to do is distance yourself from him every which way to remove the risk of temptation. Cliche, but time really does help heal wounds and give you a clear head to start thinking about new ventures.
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A
male
reader, viewfromluke  +, writes (21 June 2018):
It's still fresh and the first time is always weird as you don't know how to act around each other. It's how you react from that if you still have your concerns then end it fully, don't speak or hang out with him and move on best you can. Otherwise, he could think he can get sex whenever he hangs out with you or that you'll get back with him
hope everything works out
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 June 2018):
 Then there is nowhere to go from here. Not with him anyway.
Block, delete, change locks and phone number if necessary and don't answer your door if he shows up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2018): In the past, there used to be make-up sex. Two warring parties call a truce; and there's a cease-fire to make love and peace. Passion replaces hostility; and the fire in your souls burns from a different kind of fuel.
A breakup leaves a lot of unanswered-questions, open-wounds, and emotional-trauma. The only answer that matters is that the relationship is over. You're very vulnerable; and seeing that person will move you to make that one last attempt to see if it's really really...really over.
Your heart had to be convinced...BUT YES, IT'S OVER!!!
Post-breakup sex was a huge mistake. You pulled the scab off the wound and put some salt on it. You feel humiliated and weak. You probably swore to yourself you wouldn't. Forgive yourself.
Never let the ex know that you're vulnerable and available for booty-calls. He will play that card again and again; and you will feel just like you feel right now, and even worse. He'll use you to soothe his own guilt, and manipulate you. In your head, you were having sex with your boyfriend. In his head, he was just having sex.
Sorry, my dear. One thing DIDN'T lead to another. That's a lame excuse. It was what you were hoping for. It was your attempt to see if you could manipulate him; and sway him with emotion. Girlfriend, that's a very common and typical act of desperation. You're in-denial to yourself, that's what it was; but that's what it was.
That's one slip. You are entitled to one or two. Now you must go no-contact. Shutoff your Facebook account to go radio-silent. No cyber-stalking his online social media accounts, or really weird stuff. No foolishness about "closure." I wish they would eradicate that word from the dictionary. That's an excuse for prolonging the agony; and the undignified act of clinging to someone you must let go.
After ex, comes why? Because it didn't work, that's why!
The less you know about his social-activities and whereabouts; the sooner you will get-over him.
Healing from a breakup is a laborious and agonizing process; and you will relapse. You'll collapse and start thinking of him. The problem is, you'll be torturing yourself with reminders; thereby exacerbating your grief. Stay distracted!
You have to cut ties. Block calls. Delete his number.
Don't make some pathetic vow of continued-friendship; or you'll again be flat on your back. Only to watch him walk out that door. Meanwhile; he'll find ways to quicken getting over you in the way men do it. Usually, he'll find another female. Even during the process of reconciliation; as desperate foolish women never seem to realize. Guys don't always count on reconciliations like you do. We don't process our emotions the same way. Even when we are the ones who try to initiate it!
A breakup is the end. So let it be.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 June 2018):
 I think first of all you need to stop bashing yourself for this.
However, you have to figure out where you want to go from here.
If you SINCERELY want nothing (not even casual sex/FWB) with the ex, then I think you NEED to cut all contact (if possible) and if not possible, don't hang out or be alone with him. Meet him in public (if there is NEED for meeting up - for example if you need to splitting assets or whatnot).
You are probably still a bit "raw" when it comes to how you feel. Breaking up and moving forward is a process and you have to give it time. It's not strange that you feel torn after the sex - but REALITY is... You know no one changes in 7 weeks. Not you and not him.
Him popping over and you two having sex will NOT change the REASON you two broke up.
He was lonely and horny and figured maybe you were too, so he showed up at your door and it went from there. Out of familiarity and perhaps a little love too.
The thing is you CAN love someone who is ALL wrong for you.
You want someone who will make TIME and ROOM in their life for you. Someone to SHARE life with.
He is not THAT guy. Unfortunately.
And continuing to have casual sex with him will only prolong the time it will take for you to work through the break up. It will hold you back from potentially meeting someone who IS right for you.
Chin up.
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