A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont want to over analyze this situation , but for some reason I cant help to. I have a guy friend whom at one point I was very close to we use to talk everyday , hang out from time to time , this eventually led to us sleeping together a few times . I loved him , but at that time I felt I couldnt be with him there were alot of things standing in our way ; one being us. I wasnt a very vocal person so instead of telling him that his seeing other girls hurt me , I chose to walk away. NOT the smartest choice , but one that I made the only one at that time that I knew . I was 18 then and he was 17 ( Im 23 now and he's 21) I never wanted to be a complication . Almost a couple of month's ago we got back in contact after 3 and a half yrs . while I admit many things have changed my feelings ( not all, but most ) have stayed the same. I didnt ''re- enter'' his life to complicate things for him at first I thought I needed closure . However because I have no hidden agendas I realized I just simply missed my friend . Before hooking up ( those few times when we were younger) we were good buddies . . I loved him being there and I ALWAYS missed him when he was gone. The past 2 months have been a real challenge for us I had to quickly realize that things could never be the same between us . he kept asking ( and still does at times) why I just left the way I did , putting all the blame on me. He told me that he didnt think we had much to talk about , and that it would be best if we just stayed on a hi and bye level. He didnt want to see me he tild me there wasnt any point because things could never be the way they use to be. Although he said he didnt care about the past ( he still says that) he always seemed to find away to bring up what I had done . I finally broke down and told him that I use to love him and of course he wanted to know again why I just walked away. He was somewhat hot and cold for awhile and it really started bothering me . I dont get it if you dont want someone in your life Y answer their texts ??? Y answer their calls ?? Well lately he has started texting me a bit and this past Thursday we met for lunch . he had an hour lunch break , but we ended up staying together for almost 2 hours ( 1 of those hours we just sat in his car and talked) Everything was fine he rubbed my leg a ittle ( not sexually) and I played with his nose and we kept hugginh good bye even though I continued to sit in the car. He kept telling me how funny I had gotten and that if he would have known we could have hung out sooner. . he even said a few times that we should hang out again . When I finally got ready to get out the car ( he had to get back to work ) he said something that hasnt left my mind . . he told me that it was girls like me that turned him into a dick head !! I didnt get it this guy has his own apartment, car , he models on the side , and every girl I know that has ever seen him goes crazy .. . wat's the problem ?? Although none of the above things matter to me its just that he could have whoever he wants I never thought that at one point in his life he could have ''possibly '' wanted me. He told me that he knew he messed up when he was younger and that he should have told me that he had liked me .. but then he asked again why I left and what my motives were . He said what he always says ''now we'll never know what could have happended'' huh ?? is he trying to convince me or hisself ??? He told me to text him later that night and I did I was honest with him I told him that I could never sleep with him because I know I'll get attached all over again , but then I realized that I may have been overthinking it . He told me I probably was overthinking things , but it was no problem , whatever that meant. Yesterday we agreed to see eachother sometime this up coming week and Im torn . I know I still have feelings for him, but Im also scared that someone may get hurt. SOMEONE being me . . What could possibly come from all this ??? Can we ever be the best of friends or more ?? Is it even worth it ??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I think women get the love life they deserve. If you want to date him, sleep with him, or be his friend, it is your choice, not his....don't wait around to be chosen, you do the chosing and go after what you want, no explanation is needed....
If it bothers you that he is dating other women, then don't get too sexual with him too soon, but ask him on a date and let him know you like kissing him, let him do some chasing, and then you will know how interested he really is.
In the meantime, no reason to put your life on hold for this guy, do what you want to do and go with the flow and see what develops....what more is there to do, you can't control his every move.
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