A
male
age
30-35,
*hangedMan
writes:Im currently engaged to my beautiful fiance, who i have been with for a year now... We started dating in march 2009. It started out as a physical relationship for like the first month, and eventually the emotions got deeper. But at the same time i was still with my ex , and that relationship was coming to an end. (i am in the military so my ex and i were really falling apart bc of the distance and lack of communication... Or so i thought). I didnt want to leave her bc i didnt know if my now fiance and i would really hit it off or if it would remain physical... My ex, i later found out cheated on me 3x while i had been away from home in basic training and AIT... So of corse i left her, but by that time i had already been with my now fiance for 3 months... And at the same time there was another girl that i had been chatting with on FB. for the most part the conversations were a little too friendly (flirty), and on a few occasions were a bit questionable... I ended that at the same time i end the relationship with my ex... Idk what i was thinking when i was doing this... I guess i was being selfish and childish, and i still had the ol HIghSchool "i can do whatever" mentality... NOTE: SINCE MY FIANCE AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER I HAVE NOT EVER LAID MY HANDS ON ANY OTHER WOMAN... Well she found out about the first incident a month later when i brought her home for the 4th of july... We had a HUGE fight and she broke up with me... She dogged me and i admit i deserved it. We got back 2gether later on that week... It took a big toll on our relationship, and we eventually moved past it. It was hard but wut helped is the fact that outside working hours we spent time or talked to eachother very very often. Things had been going great for us even tho we have been stationed across the country since november 2009. But then a week after Valentines day weekend and me proposing to her, she discovered the 2nd incident, and that has sent our rship in a downward turn for the worst... She doggs me and tells me that no matter how hard i try that she will NEVER forgive and that she will spite me for as long as long as it takes her to get past this... Im trying my hardest to get her trust back, but i cant SHOW her any of my efforts to be a good man bc we are still cross country. The only thing i can do is try and display this verbally, and since she doesnt trust me this will be hard to accomplish... She doesnt want me to go anywhere on my weekends off of training bc it makes her uncomfortable, but im 20 and i have a life so i feel restricted. Im doing right by her, and i try and convince her that i can go to mixed environments (clubs, parties,etc.), and behave like a fiance is supposed to, even though it sounds unbelieveable... We fight about that all the time... She tells me she hates me. She wishes death upon me. She doggs me about it all the time. She says things just out of anger that she sometimea appologises for. I understand what i did wrong and i know i was a TARD for doing it, but i just hope that these problems wont keep arrising later on in our relationship as we move closer to marriage... If that is the case i refuse to marry her if she is going to hold that over my head for forever... Ill hold off as long as it takes, bc i feel that that and her evil spiteful ways will destroy our marriage... Her unwillingness to take into account my efforts in keeping her happy, bettering our relationship, and being a good/faithful man is keeping our relationship from growing and keeping us from moving forward... Sometimes i question my decision to propose to her (i shouldnt think like that, bit the way i see it is if i plan on marrying her, dont want to live with a spiteful hateful wife, and wind up hating and regretting my marriage), but I cant live w/o her. She is literally the best friend i have and she is an awesome woman.. I was stupid for doing what i did. I just need some advice for my situation be it from man or woman... And ladies dont bash me, but dont sugarcoat anything... I would deeply appreciate the advice... Thanks !
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, cheated on me, engaged, fiance, military, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (2 April 2010):
 At 20, you're too young to be married or even in a serious relationship. Your behavior sucks, but it's nothing I would not expect from a guy your age.
My advice: let her know that yes, you were a tard for cheating and youthfulness is not an excuse for being a liar, but clearly neither of you are ready to be married. You both still have a lot of growing up to do and you are going to grow--and change--so much as a person because of your experience in the military.
Enjoy your youth and learn from your mistakes so you can be a decent husband when you are older and really ready to settle down.
A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (29 March 2010):
 U used that poor girl and if she has a brain nothing u can say or do will get her to come back to. You lost her trust and thats not something thats easy to get back. Be honest from the beginning next time.
...............................
|
