A
female
age
51-59,
*ampaguita
writes:Dear cupid, I cannot cut off my relationship w/ this man whom I'm having an affair for 9 months now. I started seeing him back n nov of 2010 then worst of all the wife got pregnant n jan of this year. I am a married woman myself and not proud of what I've done...I know now that I needed more help like counseling...can't do it by myself...and so as he can't cut me off! we both have strong feelings for each other and expressed love to one another...I know this is not going anywhere and the more I prolong the harder it is...help help help help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): No you don't need counseling to end the affair. the reason you haven't ended it is because you don't really want to.
if you really want to end the affair - create consequences for yourself. Tell his wife and your husband.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (20 July 2011):
Some thoughts to help yourself to move on from your affair partner:
Realize that what you feel as "love" is likely to be infatuation that comes with any new relationship, and which wears off after awhile if there is nothing more substantial to sustain it. And being in an affair, there can't be anything more to sustain it because you are keeping big chunks of your lives separate from each other (the part that involves your lives at home with your spouses and kids). Since you're not free to openly share your lives with each other as you would in a real relationship, therefore your relationship with each other is not based on anything substantial, just infatuation, and which will wear off after some time.
In other words, don't overestimate the significance of your feelings for each other. It's possible that you two could work out well together as a real couple if you were in a real open relationship (since infatuation shows that there is potential for something real), but the reality is that this logistically isn't going to happen as long as you and him are both married to other people. And so you shouldn't be so sure that you do truly love him or that he loves you. Remind yourself of this and it may help you to stick with remaining out of contact with him.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (20 July 2011):
 What would you do if you were addicted to alcohol and getting so drunk every day that you hurt yourself badly every day? What would you do, knowing it was making you sicker and sicker as each day went by?
You are addicted to HIM. No one can reach thru this screen and do it for you sweetie. You must get the help you need and be your own best friend.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Hi
You actually don't help yourself by having so little faith in your own inner strength. You have everything you need to help you in this situation, for one: you know this is a relationship that can only bring loss for everyone involved.
There are a lot of people's feelings involved here and it's time to be HONEST with YOURSELF and your husband. As you say you are not proud of yourself and i agree it is very low to cheat and decieve others , But you can't undo that now.
A clean slate all around would be good, you obviously
should come clean with your husband because it is not fair to carry on living a lie, he should have the freedom to love again, give him a chance to decide what he wants to do. Be bold on this and accept you have done wrong and take full responsibility and then take the result of your actions.
It is not however your place to tell the other couple the truth, you need to deal with you and the man you have decieved. I don't think you need counseling, you don't need to work out this mysterious connection that you feel you can not break from...forget the feelings of lust/ romance/ love or whatever it is that you feel and REMEMBER the REAL TIES, the VOWS you took to your husband, he is the person who needs to sit in council with you.
Of course you can break free HONESTY does this ,you tie yourself to a reality that can and will crumble into nothing and so many people get hurt. Get real, face up, if you are unhappy change your life completley, divorce and move on but don't live a lie and lie to others....because that aint living.
Good luck hope all works out good for every one in the end.
spunky monkey
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