A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with this woman for a year and a half now. I found out about 4 months ago that she had slept with another man after we got into a fight and she stayed at a friends house. I broke things off immediately and tried to move on. Within about 3 or 4 days she comes back saying she made the biggest mistake ever and that I was everything. To a degree I believed her so we sorta tried to make things work. Well questions started building up in me as to how she was able to do such a thing so easily in the first place so I start looking for answers. I find them to, turns out she has had alot of sexual partners for her age and that most of them were not ever boyfriends or relationships in general. She said that she was attracted to guys that gave her attention, and that she had cheated on alot of her actuall boyfriends with these guys that told her they wanted to sleep with her and such. So at that point I had heard enough, I didnt believe her when she said she would never do something like that again to me. Because her track record shows that she will do just that as soon as a rough patch comes along in a relationship. And to make matters worse and it even harder to believe her is the fact that sex to her is something that she has shared with so many people and its so easy for her to sleep around without a thought. Sex and relationships seemed to be just one big game of fun to her, nothing special.Since all this she has said that she is very ashamed of what she has done in her past and that I didnt deserve that she made me a part of it. Shes been going to a doctor to talk about her problems for about a month now, but my question is can I really ever trust her and what she says? She has already showed that she cant be emotionally faithful, "such as all the vulgar flirting and letting men touch her", or even physically faithful to me or anyone else for that matter.My second question is how am I supposed to deal with the thought that maybe she's actually still letting men do these things to her. I obviously dont trust her, and because she lied to me so much in the course of the relationship I just dont know if she is actually committed to just ME now. I want to believe her because she does seem to be trying, but I dont know if she is capable of change or if she REALLY wants it.The other problem Im having is I just can not seem to get these pictures of all these men she has slept with out of my head. It sends me into a rage sometimes with the thought that she gave something away so many times that should have meant so much. It should have been sacred and actually meant something. I could understand if it had only happened a couple of times because we are all entitled to make mistakes but to do it over and over again?I feel so torn right now, I know I care and love her but I dont know if she deserves it from me. It feels like there isnt anything we can have physically special between one another, she has already given it all away.Im sorry for the length but any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): once a cheat, always a cheat. don't be a fool. cheaters do not change, they change for a while and then they slip into their old cheating ways. save yourself more heartache, dump her. will save you from yourself in the long run. good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): I really sympathise, I am in a slightly similar situation and struggling to get the heck out of it as soon as I can. If I were you I would bail out of this as soon as possible, and make as much effort to distance yourself - if you love her but fear the hurt of losing her, trust me, it becomes easier to deal with pretty quickly if you can 'cold turkey' yourself off the bittersweet addiction that is loving someone who always comes across as being on the verge of faithfully reciprocating, but never honestly, truly and genuinely takes that step. Best of luck my friend!!
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (6 December 2009):
 Man, all these thoughts that go through you mind show that you are a very rational and mature person. This girl's slatish and unacceptable attutude and actions show a very week, unstable and selfish person that has learned to look for comfort in someone's dick rather than in the arms and love and care of a fine man like yourself. She definately doesn't have the values and qualities that you are looking in a girlfriend. You know...sometimes we are just in love with the potential of how a person could be or can turn into but that's wrong thinking. We are who we are and our actions, not words, state that. I know it's hard to let go of someone you love but sometimes we just have to do what's right. Yeah, sometimes people change but until she proves you that don't waste any more time with her. Leave this relationship! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): Dump her. This girl is nothing but trouble. She's already broken your trust and heart, and apparently relationships and sex mean nothing to her. Since they do to you, and of course they should, this is not a good match. You can do way, way better.
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