A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would really appreciate some advice how to put someone out of my mind.Last month I was spending time up in my home town and was seduced by a local guy who is a couple of years younger than me. I was reluctant at first but spending a bit more time with him I realised there was more to him than his slightly wild reputation.We spend the best part of two weeks together, he was the one that asked for me number and would invite me to his home and while the sex was nothing spectacular, in fact he didn't seem all that keen on having sex, he would hold me so tight every night as if his life depended on it and in the mornings we would chat for hours on the sofa.I then went back to the city, he went back offshore to his work (on an oilrig) and I didn't hear from him again. I didn't try to contact him either as I don't believe in 'chasing men'I was at home again recently and he completely blanked me until one night he texted me after seeing me drinking in our local with one of his friends. I ended up going back to his and having a chat, turns out he'd heard that I was with someone else (who is a mutual friend of ours) I told him that wasn't at all true - its a very good family friend of mine but we're not together, and I explained that but it didn't seem to change anything. He then invited me to sleep in his bed (it was late) but precluded it with "no funny stuff" I am really physically attracted to him, and seduced him once we were in bed, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. I left the next day after hanging out for a few hours in a friendly way.I have seen him a few times since then and he has been distant but vaguely friendly. Not responding to any text though and I am just thinking how can he have been so keen for two weeks and then so disinterested?As an aside he is 30 years old and has never had a long term relationship. Is that strange for a good looking and charming, solvent man? He also really doesn't seem interested in sex at all, I've heard from one of his friends that other girls he's slept with over the years have complained of him being a lazy lover so I'm trying not to take it personal, but for some reason I am really obsessing over this guy and it's driving me nuts.The logical part of me knows we weren't compatible anyway for the long term, but there is something about the way he talks, the shared dialect of our home that he uses which so pulls at my heartstrings.. and also, ,this is making me feel really shallow, but I've never seen a more beautiful body! In all honesty I haven't ever been one to particularly seek out lovers based on their amazing physiques, but this guy has a body I can't forget.. Furthermore I'm so endeared by the way he is very kind towards his family , has a strong relationship with his mother and sister and is utterly adorable with his young nephew. I know he's not interested in me and I just need to put him out of my head but I'm finding it difficult. I have the feeling right now that I want to meet someone from my home town/local area, but the talent is thin on the ground and I just can't see beyond my erstwhile lover. If anyone can offer any good tips on moving away from a stupid obsession that would be great. Thanks..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 IF you (ever) figure out this guy... then write a book about it, then sit back and wait for ZILLIONS of women to buy it in the mistaken hope that then THEY will also know your secret of why men behave in the manner that they (we) do.....
Meanwhile, don't spend a lot of time thinking about this guy who - evidently - doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about YOU!!!!!
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's only been working offshore for a year or so, I don't think that explains his lack of relationship experience.. plus it would quite suit my lifestyle/work patterns to be with someone that worked on and off but shouldn't even be thinking like this. Aghhh!
Thanks for the sweet words N91, good advice:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): Is it his job that holds him back in relationships I wonder...they work 6 weeks on and then a few weeks off don't they? Weeks on an oil-rig with only the crew for company - but its good money so maybe thats his reason.I know a man that works them and they do spend alot of time online,especially the single men, setting up dates for when home or flirting
Just imagine trying to live with that routine and it should be enough to put you off.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Well I think you're going the right way about it by trying to move on and find somebody else. Just pre occupy yourself with other things, have fun with your friends and family. Take up a new hobby or knuckle down at work (no matter how boring, chase a promotion!)
But whatever you do, don't dwell on it or spend long periods of time alone or you'll be back to square one!
Good luck.
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