A
female
age
41-50,
*ustneed2know
writes:My man and I have a lot of sex, but sometimes I know he whacks off before we do anything. When I ask him he says,"I don't need to do that", all defensive. I know he's lying, but it hurts my feelings when he can't finish or it’s not as hard as it normally is. Now I'm starting to think maybe it's me and he's not attracted to me, or maybe he would just prefer to look at his phone instead. I've seen his twitter page real quick before and it has nothing but porn, so that's how I know he's looking at something. I know it's normal but, come on, when you know we're going to be doing something later? I've told him how I feel and he says he's not doing anything.
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male
reader, BazingaToZulus  +, writes (4 August 2015):
 You're right, and the wanting basically creates the need for it. Since he's not sharing too much with his girlfriend / wife anymore, maybe counseling could be beneficial to getting the ball rolling in helping him to open up about it.
A
male
reader, BazingaToZulus +, writes (3 August 2015):
Hi there! me again. Well if he started this after you began your relationship, it could mean (once again, not written in stone) that there was and still is an unresolved issue that led to you two drifting apart, and when that happens people tend to alienate themselves to their partners. You said that you had more of a connection before in terms of intimacy and that he wasn't as open with you as before and that tells me that at one point he started to shut down emotionally (not closing the border but letting very little in). Have you thought about couple counseling? I think that a different perspective from someone outside of the relationship who is of course qualified could help him open up, because he has to be willing to let you in a little in the future if he wants his relationship with you to be a healthy one. I really hope everything works out for you. Take care
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A
female
reader, Justneed2know +, writes (2 August 2015):
Justneed2know is verified as being by the original poster of the question Bazingatozulus thanks for ur feedback, it really makes a lot of sense. To answer your questions no, he wasn't into porn when we first met, that I know of, and the intamacy could be better, we are not as intamate as we used to be, well I should say he is'nt as open as he used to be.
When we do have sex it's like rightaway to it, no foreplay, maybe he's trying to copy a porn or something. I have told him I want foreplay but it seems like it goes in one ear out the other. It hasn't always been like this, we've been together for 8yrs.
Well just want to thank u for your advice, especially coming from a man, hope you have a great day.
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A
male
reader, BazingaToZulus +, writes (2 August 2015):
Hi there first I want to say that I'm giving you my opinion, I'm not a psychologist or sexologist. Your boyfriend / husband has lots of porn on his Twitter account and on his phone as I understand right? so there are many factors to consider here. First was this a progression in his behavior? (was he heavy into porn when you met or did it start slowly). Second, what type of relationship do you have in terms of intimacy? I'm asking because as you know pornographic material isn't really dealing with reality. It's "Instant Coffee, no brewing nothing and you get right down to business". Now for me, the intimacy, the connection, the closeness and complicity, all that is important to me when I have intercourse, but for people who have that type of issue, porn has to be the catalyst for sex. They are so focused on that and when that happens people tend to drift apart in that department, especially if he's somewhat addicted to porn. Basically porn is the Kraft dinner of sex, instant and let's get to it, but when you're close to your partner not only physically but emotionally then you give yourself to that intimacy because it comes naturally, no more tv dinner, it's slow simmering mind blowing sex. To some people who have intercourse frequently, it's possible that it becomes so mechanical that they're losing that connection. So I think you should talk it over with him, communication is of course the key to it and I think a little romance wouldn't hurt either, you know a little wine, dinner, talking ,soft music and slow dancing. Anyway that's what I think, hope It helped...have a great day!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): He doesnt need to do it but he wants to do it.The question is why?
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