A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years after his last bout of binge drinking, staying out of work, running out of money and then being emotionally abusive and then dismissive towards me. This is a pattern that has been played out again and again, so I have forgiven again and again but this time i couldn't go on.Why can't I just forget him, he was so bad for me but still I find him in my thoughts, wanting to tell him about things and thinking oh he'd like this or that and basically my thought pattern seems to continue to include him and not face up to the reality and most of all remember what I have been through, all the pain and so on. It's like I default back to being in a "still with him" state of mind. I wish I could stop it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): "I know he was so bad for me, but why cant I forget about him?"
Probably because he told you exactly what you wanted to hear.
A
female
reader, katiekate  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I've been in a similar situation- was with a man for 4 years who was manipulative, emotionally abusive, and almost a "brain-washer" of sorts. When I finally ended it, I missed him for quite awhile. Missed the companionship, missed the sex, felt lonely, kept thinking about the good times, etc. But, time heals all wounds. All you need is a little time between you and this guy, and then your head will start to clear and you will wonder, "What was I thinking??" You have not allowed yourself to move on yet. Emotionally, you are still connected to this guy, especially if the break-up is recent and you haven't started dating other people yet. My advice is to remember why you left- think about the bad parts of the relationship (which probably far outweigh the good times), and remind yourself that you don't want a relationship like that. If you haven't gone out with anyone else yet, I also suggest putting yourself out there and going on a few dates. That also helped me get over my ex! Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): He is your addiction. No different to drugs and alcohol. Your thought patterns have become so ingrained with him that you can not get your mind free. But you need to. This is no big love affair that will come good in the end. You know that you have no viable future with him. Basically, you must treat this as the addiction it is. Cut him out of your life. Do not go where he might be or where you have been together. No contact. Try all you can to distract yourself. Treat yourself too - you deserve better than a loser of a boyfriend messing up your life. Is will be very hard. But you will get there in the end.
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