A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My bf broke up with me a few weeks ago we were together for 6 month. I am to blame, I was moody, miserable and angry. I thought I was acting like this because of the stress of work, new pill etc. Anyway we were seeing each other every week still. He responded to all texts whether they were nice or nasty from me, he travelled 2 hours to my house because he said he didn't like seeing me so upset. We continued having sex and it was as if we were still together, hugging, kissing etc. Finally one day at work I emailed and said I had no argument with him and all is fine take care... meaning goodbye forever... he responded straight away telling me I confused him. Since then there has been more sex and hugs but he insists we are not together and never getting back together. the last time was on Tues I stayed at his house we ended up in bed after a blazing row. He held my hand all night and it felt so good as if he really loved me. Since then there has been a lot of nasty texting mainly by me, he said he doesn't want to get back with me and doesn't even want to be friends because I've been so cruel. I don't know why I do it, I really don't and always regret it after. i am so low at the moment I have stayed in every weekend crying, I have got rid of everything to do with him, but I just miss him so much and I know time is a healer and giving him space is for the best and also that I should just get on and have fun but I just cannot stop thinking about him. I know he truly cared/loved me and I messed it all up and I don't know why? Sorry I just really don't know what to do, I think I have lost 'the one' and I don't know how to get him back. there was some times and I have thought and he's proved it that when I'm strong and leave him he responds in a nice way which is just sending mixed signals. My last text yesterday said that I was sorry and don't hate him, I've had no reply I will leave it now as I went too far with being horrible to him so it's understandable but I just want to know will he ever contact me again. any advice is very appreciated
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Well first off, I am sorry that you are so miserable, I understand; breaking up with someone you love is one of the most painful things in life.
It sounds like you are grieving the loss and you are blaming yourself entirely for the breakup. That isn't really fair to you, I am sure he made a lot of mistakes or you wouldn't have been so angry.
I am not saying it is possible or even a good idea to get back together with him, but it sounds like he doesn't want to do that at this point.
But let's just say that you would like to try....First off you have to stop fighting and having sex with him, or having sex with him period, that is a big NO NO with an ex, it makes him get to use you, it makes you feel worse and prolongs the breaking up pain.
You have to stop apologizing for everything you did or didn't do, you have to stop sending him a bunch of texts, and do your best not to call him, let him call you....otherwise you are going to push him even farther away.
Take at least a month off from each other that way your intense feelings of anger, and sadness will calm down. Then if you two see each other just try to be friendly, but no sex.....take things slowly talk and have some fun, remember not to talk so much about the break up and the relationship at first....sort of start dating your ex.
Then when you think he is ready to hear it, talk about your anger and the break up, you do have to deal with it to get past it....but wait until he is ready to hear it...you will know if he acts humble and open to hearing what you have to say....and let him do the same.
Then with any luck in time your romantic feelings will return. Breakups serve one purpose, it allows the two of you to do some introspection to see where you went wrong and figure out how to do better.
During your month off, go on a self improvement kick, work out it will make you feel better, you can even go on a date or two with someone else! Who knows, you may decide you don't want to get back together after you intial bad feelings subside.
Either way, do not harass him with all of the contact and above behaviors that I listed....it will do more harm than good....if you do nothing at all, he is more likely to miss you and contact you....
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (29 March 2009):
 It sounds as if you are insecure and have no feeling of self worth. People normally push away their partner if they feel they do not deserve them. You will keep pushing away all those who care for you until you learn to be happy with yourself. This takes a long time and is hard to do. Engineering arguments and sending mean texts gives your partner a reason to not like you and then you feel that is right because for some reason you feel that you do not deserve their love. There is no point in trying to get this man back until you are content and happy in yourself. You need to think what it is that sets these feelings of anger and desire for destruction off. Is it perceived lack of attention, is it when you feel you might be losing him, is it when you are lonely and without him being there? You have to analyze why you feel the way you do and then work backwards from this.
It took me many years to be comfortable in my own skin. I used to attention seek and liked the attention rowing and throwing a hissy fit could get me. The men however soon tired of this and after a while would not bother and let me stew in my own juice. I had to remove myself from going out with people until I knew I could function alone and could admit to myself that I was genuinely happy with pottering around, watching tv, gardening etc.
With this chap I would hold off texting and ringing or e-mailing for a week or so until he calms down. You then need to put yourself in a positive light in his eyes which means coming across as rational and calm. After a week I would send a casual text just asking how he is - at the moment he probably needs space after dealing with what he might deem as a case of the boiled bunnies. If you want him back, calm down and think about why you are doing these things and try working on them. Just give him some time.
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