A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have had an unsatisfying sex life when it comes to having the act with a male. I have pleasured myself successfully most times and have no problems having an orgasm then within 15 minutes or less. When I am with someone of the opposite sex I find I am very worried about not having an orgasm to the point where I am constantly thinking "am I getting closer?" "why isn't he doing more different things to get me closer?" While we are in the midst of it I do things to myself that are normal for a woman to do in order to get more aroused, yet my resentment takes over that he isn't caring enough to take the time with me to make our sex life a real event, not just some ritual. I eventually give up because I know that without a lot of tender loving care and a lot more time passing spent on only my stimulation before penetration, things won't become better. My current lover has the idea that with a few quick moves that seem to be the same every time, I should be as ready as he is. I am afraid to tell him I have been faking it and require a lot more attention for a time to get me into the normal range of foreplay time. He has made attempts sometimes to elongate things but only after penetration, not before...that seems to bore him...I know he is selfish...how can I get that to change without ruining his self-esteem?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 you need to speak to him and tell him, (show him) exactly how to do it to make it.
you will find this will bring u both closer.
good luck!
A
male
reader, Jason32477  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Talk to him.If he cares about you he cares about your satisfaction.And your right,you can`t tell him you have been faking it,but slow down on that.Wait more to start.Don`t do it every time,and cut him off slowly from the satisfaction of fake orgasms.Try refusing to give him sex with out better foreplay.Maybe bring a toy into the act.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Just tell him. Your sex life will not improve without communication. Guys can't read your mind and they won't know what works for you specifically. Plus, what's normal varies from woman to woman, and what works for you may not work for someone else.
Good luck.
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