| A ,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 yrs and we lived together for about 2 1/2 yrs. About 8 months ago things started getting rocky and he decided to move out for a while and we would try to work things out. Since then, we have had an on again off again relationship, he'll come around for a few weeks, call me every day, see me a lot then like nothing completely change and stop calling and coming by. Since he has moved out the first time, we've gotten together and broken up again twice (all his doing)with no real explanation why. After what I thought was a definate break last time and not talking or seeing each other for 3 weeks, he called and wanted to see me and talk. He told me we had way too much of a past to just let it go and that he loved me so much. He wanted to try and work things out. That was about a month ago, and now he is pulling back again and I haven't heard from him in a couple days or seen him in a little over a week. We agreed to take things slower this time, but after our last "talk", he's been really distant. I don't know what to do anymore. I know he really cares about me and I'm almost positive he won't permanently leave but I am confused as to why he keeps doing this when he was never like this before. Someone give me some advice please!
View related questions:
moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): I would like you to know that I really feel for you. I have been with my boyfriend, (now ex) for 5 years on and off. He leaves and comes back sometimes for weeks and the longest time for 7 months. This time he has been gone for 5 weeks so far and I havent heard from him. He told me that he doenst love me and wants to be left alone. Each time he has done this to me it is a heart wrenching as the last time because each time always felt like he would never come back. I know in my heart that I love him and I still dont know why. However, what I do know is that he has a great possibility of being bipolar just like his mother is. Because I have been so distressed and heartbroken each time, I just got so tired of crying that I decided to do a little research about relationships versus this disorder. To my surprise it all comes together. This break up and make up pattern is all a part of the disease. Unfortunately it will always be this way unless they get help. I know that my ex probably wont because he is always self-medicating himself with drugs and alcohol. When that isnt good enough he trys relocating, moving from one persons house to another, one relationship to another. It is very sad for him and for myself. But I do know one thing, I have to relieve myself of any guilt because I have done nothing wrong, I only loved him. The news flash is , they always come back. But the question remains is it healthy to keep taking them back no matter how much we love and miss them. Good luck
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (23 May 2005):
 Well, I would quote the elastic band theory that is advocated by the book 'men are from mars and women are from venus' but I think your boyfriend isn't really living up to the description of 'boyfriend' and he is stretching the elastic band so much, I'm surprised it hasn't snapped.Why is he doing this all the time? I know this sounds a bit obvious, but have you asked him? It seems to me that he doesn't know what he wants. One minute he seems to want to be with you, the next he is off. Doing what exactly? What keeps him away? I think you need to find this out. You are entitled to an explanation of his behaviour.I think you may have to stand your ground a bit here. Almost like giving him an ultimatum really. You need to know the reasons for his frequent disappearing acts and you want more committment from him otherwise he might just as well leave at the front door and not return. At least then you will be able to get on with your life, hard though it may be, and you will know where you stand.What exactly caused things to go wrong in the first place? You deperately need some answers and he is the one to give them.Explain to him that you need to know where you are in this relationship. He is behaving like a yo-yo and it will continue to unsettle you unless there is some straight talking. He will carry on doing this otherwise. Firmly say to him that you want a proper relationship as it was before, you need some explanations, otherwise there is no point in continuing.I know it is harsh but I think it is what is needed.Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2005): Girl please don't be a fool; he is playing you and you are giving him the chance to justify it. For example, He meets a new girl, becomes interested, decides to leave you alone to get closer to her and breaks up with you. Later he decides he don't what the girl; after getting what he wanted from her,and decides to come back to you.Here you have this man who sleeps with every woman that gives him the chance because noone says anything to confront his animalistic ways.You are just his back up plan-boo.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2005): If you really want this to work, you have to take the time too make contact with him too.( teamwork)..but if there is sex happening when you get together, put an end to it, until you find out where the "distance" is coming from....Be very direct, but gentle...make sure he knows exactly what it is that is bothering you and that you need definative answer to your questions...good luck!
...............................
A
reader, wildblueroze +, writes (23 May 2005):
It sounds to me like he is afraid of commentment. If he is doing this to you know, I can tell you this much, he will do it if you two ever get married. Take a long hard look at where you want to be 5 years from now.
...............................
|
