A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found a piece of paper with several male user names and names of certain free dating sites, on the bathroom floor, but however much she denied it - I know my girlfriends handwriting. It got the best of me and I became quite obsessive about finding out the truth. I did, we broke up and she begged and begged for me to go back and promised it was just for a laugh, she had no intention of meeting anyone, and it wasnt me but just a silly immature side of her, and it wasnt worth it. Everything had seemed great again, her forever telling me how happy she is, but little does she know that I have accidentally stumbled on her latest dating, but this time an app in her phone.I have tried to do my best for her and us, obviously I must not be good enough. Im wondering what she has been doing? Why didnt she just let me go if I`m not good enough? Why does she keep on doing it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2016): You run a store. She has been shoplifting. Now you are asking "If she wanted the items then why didn't she just pay for them?"
Don't make this more complicated than it is. By lying she is getting the benefits of both you and the other guys. Why give either one up, just because it's the honest thing to do?
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 It's the reason many cheaters hang onto their relationships. There's one reason here that I believe is why your girlfriend is stringing you along, and is a major reason why cheating partners stay in their relationships:
When I had just given birth to my son and was on maternity leave, I was watching some touchy-feely talk show that's fodder for hormones and I can't for the life of me remember what it was (I watched Days of our Lives in those months...and I HATE soap operas!), but there was a couple on there who was trying to put their marriage back together. The husband had been caught cheating a year before and she couldn't get past it.
He was frustrated because she kept torturing herself over what he did with his mistress, and was tortured the most by the question "Was she better than me? Was the sex better?". He of course couldn't answer the question the way she was satisfied with, giving the "safe" answer "No, it was just sex, it was meaningless, and you're the one I love". Just like you're saying now...."Bulls***", right?
The talk show host nailed it on the head, and even the husband nodded in agreement..."Sex and attention from outside the marriage is always going to be better because it's ILLICIT." Even there's a proverb in the Bible regarding adultery, saying "Stolen apples taste sweeter".
She likes the illicit nature of her cheating, and if you leave her, it's not illicit...it's merely her getting passed around and being devalued. In her case, her self-esteem/ego is in the toilet.
There is no excuse for cheating. You gave her a second chance. DO NOT GIVE her a third chance. Go find a girl who isn't so immature...find someone who cherishes you and treats you well. You deserve it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 You gave her a chance because you hoped she would change, but she didn't. As harsh as this sounds, if she loved you she would not do this to you. It doesn't mean that you are not good enough, it means that she is not good enough for you. You have low self esteem, which can be seen from your post, therefore she uses this to manipulate you in to giving the relationship another go. Don't be her door mat. You deserve more, so treat yourself better, put yourself first and get away from this toxic girl. Will it be painful? Off course it will, it will be a very hard thing for you to do as she is your girlfriend and you love her. But in the long run if you choose to forgive her, you will always be wondering what she is doing, you will never be happy and your confidence will keep dropping. Believe me when I say there are women out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2016): She is prepared to put your relationship at risk, although I think she thought you would never find out. She is not a person you should build your life around. It is better to end it. Tell her what you know and don't listen or discus anything further. Don't ask her anything, because you probably won't get a honest answer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 January 2016):
 It's not that YOU are not good enough - it's that 1. she takes you for granted and 2. she doesn't CARE enough about the relationships to drop all these dating sites and 3. she wants constant attention from men, not just you.
I really think this is a case of HER not being good enough. 4. it's ALL about her.
If I were in your shoes, I'd end it, and go NC (no contact) don't give her a chance to worm her way back in.
If you are looking for a decent and faithful woman, she isn't it.
While she may not be physically cheating she is busy checking out what else is out there. Which means you are her "hold over guy" the one she dates till she can find someone SHE think is "better".
If she is "only" chatting up dudes on dating sites for a laugh... how callous and cruel is that? Those guys might genuinely be looking for a mate, a life partner and she is just talking to them for shits and grins.. pretty mean, don't you think? To be playing with people like that? And then expecting you to just suck it up, because it's not "serious"?
Want more for yourself, man.
Chin up and walk away from that mess.
You DO deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 My guess is she keeps doing it because she craves the attention and probably thinks you took her back once before and will do again when she offers her lame excuses. Time to cut her loose I think she is untrustworthy
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 She's keeping you as the fall back guy, in case her dates don't work out. There are married people who chronically go on dating sites for flirting and a laugh. In that case, they want outside attention when the relationship gets boring. Or approval that they are sexy enough to get picked up. You don't need to listen to her reasoning. What she is doing is inappropriate and she betrayed your trust. It's time to cut her off completely.
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