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male
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*igitallysick
writes: My g/f of 2 years left me and moved back in with her parents, she said we argued too much. She wanted to be married and I would always put it off, or what not. She said she left because she felt like she was wasting her time with me if I was never going to get engaged to her. We have been apart 2 months now. She hardly talks to me on the phone.She still comes to visit some. I'm trying everything to get her back. I even got an engagement ring because I do love her more than anything, but now it's as if she doesn't care much. She says things like "I don't know what I want. I don't want you, or anyone. I just want to be by myself. We can just be friends." Which is messed up. She used to love me so much. What happened? How can I get her back???I asked her tonight "What do you want me to do with the ring? Take it back?" she said "Get it, or take it back. I don't care" and then said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm going to get off the phone because I keep saying mean things."She is 20 and I'm 24. It's as if she has given up on me. What should I do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): She hasn't been telling you how she feels, because she's been afraid of hurting you. A lot of women do this. She knows how much she's hurting you, especially since you're calling constantly and buying rings, etc. She feels bad. She did love you, and she cares about you and wants good things for you, I'm sure. But she couldn't bring herself to be brutal with you from the startMy advice? Return the ring ASAP. Stop calling her. Find something else to distract you. Get over her the best you can. It's probably not just the lack of commitment that put her off. But you're beyond talking about it, since she moved out. It's going to be okay. You're too young to be all worked up like this anyway. Make yourself a cup of tea. I'm serious. Being broken up with is so emotionally draining. And it takes all your power out of you. And you want desperately to get some of it back. Cut your losses. Try to make comforts around you from other things, other interests. You'll look back on it some day and be glad you did.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): From what I've seen of you, you're a great person and don't deserve any of this. I don't know what's going on in her head, nor what may be making her act the way she is. I do know though, that if this keeps up, you'll drive yourself crazy. If she comes back, good... but if she keeps hesitating, i would move on. Don't put yourself through this. You're still young, you have a job, a car, and your own place.. if you ask me you're doing pretty good. You'll find someone who gives you just as much attention and loves you just as much as you do them one day.... who knows... it may just as well be her [the gf] when she finally makes up her mind... or it could be some chick you meet tomorrow... you never know.. the best thing you can do is take things one at a time and don't think too far ahead.
-Nikki
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A
male
reader, digitallysick +, writes (13 February 2006):
digitallysick is verified as being by the original poster of the question she just called and said " i dont want to be with you or anyone i want to be by myself, you dont act right your jealous of my friends im scared of you i think your going to kill me or hurt me when i wanted to marry you, you never did, and now that im gone, you want it, well to bad we can be friends maybe, i told you to not get the ring, i dont want it, but you did it anyways" and she hung up :**(i dont know why she thinks im such a terrible person, she lived with me for 2 years, i treated her like a princess, bought her everything she could ever want , i never did anything to make her think i was going to hurt her?? ( i think she is pyscho)
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A
male
reader, digitallysick +, writes (13 February 2006):
digitallysick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i was in the process of taking back the ring when she finally called, said she had been sick all day and had the ringer off on the phone. She said she loves me but that im acting "crazy" and its pushing her away, she says i need to calm down, and she says i call to much, im taking nerve pills but i guess they arent calming me down enough, she said when i was taking them the way i was supposed to things were ok.The Jewerly store said i had 90 days to bring back the ring, the lady at the store said to go ahead and get it and wait, because if i didnt , it might make things worse. She seems a little happier knowning that i have it for now. So i dont know where we will go from here, i guess just take small steps.
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A
female
reader, blackbleeperbug +, writes (12 February 2006):
I think that you need to think things through. You must be coming off really desperate to her now. I think the best thing to do is jus talk about starting your relationship again and when it feels right, propose then because you need to get everything sorted in your head, there is obviously a reason why u didn't propose when you were dating so adress this issue. I hope you sort it all out, but remember if she doesnt appreciate u, she doesnt deserve you!
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 February 2006):
 Maybe you're trying too hard to "get her back".
You've pretty much put the ball squarely in her court, spotted her a hundred points, and told her she gets to referee the entire game (to overuse a sporting analogy).
I suspect that she's secretly enjoying all the attention and power you've handed over to her, and she doesn't want it to end. In the meantime, you're allowing her to run your emotions ragged.
Not fair.
You're working yourself up and down to please her, and I think she's starting to enjoy all the effort you're putting in.
The downside, of course, is that if she decides to give your relationship another chance, she's going to lose all this love and attention, the begging, the phone calls, the offers of marriage etc. Bit of a comedown for her.
But let's be realistic: you can only marry her and be with her, if she wants YOU, the person that she keeps saying "mean things" to, but still manages to keep stringing along.
In other words, you need to let her know -- once and for all -- how you feel, then you need to back off and let her decide how she feels about what you've said.
Promise yourself, no more begging on bended knee, no more phone calls, no more Mr I'm-Hopelessly-Pathetic-Without-You.
If she doesn't want You, as you are, then you don't want her. In fact, if she doesn't want you as you are, you'd be mad to agree to anything else, because you'd be agreeing to live a lie.
Don't beg any more. Tell her you love her "more than anything", and that you're sorry you two broke up. Then, hon, that's it. That's all you can do. If she isn't interested in getting back together, there's not a stone cold thing you can do to persuade her to want you back. Sadly, that's Romantic Life as it has always been, forever and ever, amen.
On the other hand, if you say your piece and then go away, she'll have the chance to see what her life is like without you and then to decide whether she misses you or not.
From where I stand, she sounds very young and very manipulative, so think carefully about whether you want to be with someone who'd play with you like this.
Choose well.
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