A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I stop living the past? I feel like I am never present I'm always thinking ahead or thinking backwards . When I'm in a relationship I'm always thinking of the next things ahead and always worrying to the point where I never enjoy the present- any tips Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2016): Hi! I'm a guy with the exact same issues, though I feel I'm getting over it or least dealing with it.You say you live in the past, but what element of your past? Are there particular events? Or moods? Or do you find yourself thinking how great things used to be, for example? And what do you think of when considering the future?I'd bet that they are similarly themed. For me, I used to dwell on the fun times and good feelings of the past and wonder when I would get to do those things again, even though I'm experiencing those things in the now! But the conflicting thoughts would stop me appreciating the good things in the now, until they became another memory to dwell on. I was focusing too much on the positives and how good they made me feel and this distorted my appreciation of the present.Try to find some underlying theme behind the thoughts you have, and act on that. It's a difficult problem to resolve though, it can't be done quickly and can lead to bigger problems both mentally and physically. Try talking to a friend or two about it to see if it helps you understand the reasons. If you can't seem to shake it off though, please speak to a professional.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2016): Overcome your pessimism. You overthink things trying to anticipate what could go wrong, and always keep your mind full of worse-case scenarios; so you never really enjoy life.
You can't avoid trouble or hardships. That comes with life. You do your best to survive the downturns and overcome the challenges; and try to learn from them. You can't stop bad things from happening to you. You do take normal precautions to avoid hazards, but that's the best anyone can do. Just use your common-sense.
You can't live the life of a victim. Allowing people or incidents that hurt you to rule over your thoughts. You empower yourself by just appreciating even the smallest victories in your life. If you focus on all the mishaps, you'll overlook the blessings that come your way. Nothing is more miserable than a person who is never thankful.
Don't expect to be happy all the time, that's impossible.
Consider getting a medical checkup and/or see a mental-health specialist to make sure you don't suffer from an anxiety disorder. That is, if your worries are so extreme you can't function; or your thoughts are so out of control you find yourself on the verge of panic.
Relationships have ups and downs. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. You ruin them by filling them with insecurity and unrealistic expectations. Life isn't a fairy-tale, and it's amazing how many adults expect their relationships to be like what they see in the movies. Even movie stars have issues in spite of their beauty and fortune.
Make the best of your situation by allowing yourself to live life one day at a time. Stop trying to be a psychic and read into the future, wait for it to happen. The past is gone; if your mind won't leave it there, find something useful to do to take your mind off your troubles.
An idle-mind is the devil's workshop, as they say. If you got a lot of time on your hands to worry, try reading self-improvement books; and volunteer your time to help others. Seek the wisdom of the elders in your life, they can teach you a lot.
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