A
male
age
36-40,
*ee_2131234
writes:Hi, I had a relationship when I was 18 to 20 of which I was so happy but took it for granted. I kept wanting to split up to be single, then get back and then one time I did it and I lost her for good. I was devastated for over a year and blamed myself for what had happened. Kept breaking down into tears all the time and still to this day I regret what happened back then. I am over her now and we occasionally speak as friends. She's been seeing a number of people since and this does not affect me at all.I'm now 23 and the problem over the last 3 years is that, I must have seen around 6 women, all of which I wanted to start a relationship with. I look back at some of them and think its crazy now. The problem is, is that they have been interested for the first 1 or 2months, then that’s it. It's almost like I’ve hit a brick wall. They are not interested at all and want nothing to do with me. I don't understand because I feel that I’m not a bad looking guy and I think I'm a nice guy who is determined to treat a girl well and also determined to have a successful professional career. I have recently split from a girl whom I really liked and as usual I’m struggling to get over her. It’s crazy because I was only going out 2months, but we did spend a lot of time together. I'm gutted I’ve lost her because she was everything I wanted in a girl. I held back for a while with her and she was talking about things in the future, like holidays. I then thought she really does like me, so I opened up and did so much for her.What worries me in the long run is that I will never meet anyone who wants to be with me. I've learnt not to be too intense with women to avoid scaring them, but when they realise that I am actually interested, it’s me doing at the chasing. This constant rejection is killing me. I'm not sure if its scars from my first major relationship or ifs me wanting to be with someone too much. Any advice would be great.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Yo Man,
You and me both. One of the answerws is right. It seems as though a month or two is well enough time to get really into a woman, but it isn't. Women ( or even human beings)only respect those things that they can't have, and that's why guys who give women the cold shoulder are the ones who actually get them (If they have at the least decent conversation). It's like those women that you don't like. You ignore them, but they seem to keep coming around trying to get at you, and that's because they can't have you. It's Human Nature. The other f**ked up thing about it is that alot of times once they loose attraction, it's almost impossible to make them be reattracted,unless, your whole lifestyle came up, and they knew about it. You would have to become better than what you are now for you to have any chance at all. Showing your emotions at times when a woman didn't do anything to ask for it unfortunately shows lower status. It's bullshit, but that's how it is. Most women who would take a nice guy like that are women who don't really get the attention that other women get, and they are desperate. It's a mind game, and usually you have to know how to play those mind games really well (especially if she's beautiful). The good thing about your situation is that it seems as though you still have women coming into your life over an over again, so at least, based upon your past, another woman who fits that "everything I'm looking for" will indeed come again. It would be a problem if all your chances were done, but it doesn't seem that way. There are alot of beautiful women out there that will contact you again, and all you have to do is remember not to initiate too much interaction with them for longer periods of time.
I've had these problems alot, but you will eventually learn how to deal with them
A
male
reader, Lee_2131234 +, writes (14 April 2009):
Lee_2131234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat helps thanks. just had a few bad experiences i suppose. i did try and play it cool with her and it worked well for a while but obviously didnt do it for long enough. when she started saying things which made me think she was in this for real, the i guess i let myself go, but i only wanted to be honest.lol. may be one day......lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): From my experience girls dont like guys who are too needy or over the top etc.. so play it cool for a long time in the relationship. A couple of months isnt really long enough to be going crazy over a girl. Let her do most of the chasing. Girls love a challenge, if you appear to be "easy" they will get bored very quickly. Next time you meet a girl you like, act interested but not too interested. Dont text her as much as she does you.. let her know you like her but dont over do it. This doesnt however apply to the physical side of things. You need to make physical advances to stop her getting bored and thinking your not interested in her that way, but just watch what you say. Words can be a scary thing when your not ready to hear them. take things slowly in the beginning!
Hope that helps.
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