A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I snooped in my boyfriend flat, wrong I know but I do not trust him. I found an big folder, the biggest one in the pile. His ex g/f was polish and it had all these polish to English translation. Also There were love letters...One said this"You have husband and I have Sally." I read other love letters before which I have found which said the same thing. Do you think that means they were both cheating on their partners to be together? which to me is another lie as I asked him about this before. And he makes such a big deal out of cheating, says they are disgusting and everything. Yet he cheats in the past? Also why would he keep this big folder? he says he didn't know it was there! and he didn't cheat. Last time I found her pictures/love letters I made it very clear to him how hurt I was and he deleted and got rid of the letters/pictures but why not the big arse folder? I ended the relationship over this today. It just seems like I keep finding new things from his ex which is not right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): It sounds like he cheated, but is it possible that he used to not think anything of it and he's anti-cheating NOW because of the hurt he caused or was caused? People change. Perhaps he's not longer that way. Just saying. We shouldn't judge people until we've walked a mile in their shoes.
About the folder, I would be upset also if he kept reminders of his former relationship and it seemed he wasn't over it. That would cause me concern, and I would probably split up over that.
I will say though that I kept many things from my ex-husband because we had children and I wanted them, when they were adults, to know the kind of relationship we had when they were born. It's all in a big box in their bedroom stored in a closet. I never look at it, but I shared it with them when they were older. So, again, maybe he has a reason although in his case it sounds like he just wants to be close to her. :(
If you don't trust him, that's a problem. Trust is the basis of good relationship. Snooping is, in my opinion, wrong on your part. How would you feel if he snooped you?
Overall it just sounds like the relationship just isn't worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Im the OP. I didn't say he cheated on me but I think he did to his ex.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Yeah, if you keep finding things from her that's not a good sign. He sounds like a hypocrite not condoning cheating yet he had a relationship with the Polish woman when she's married and he has you! That to me is the worst form of cheating. It's sounds like he's keeping those a mementos, because if they were really over then all that would've been chucked all that in the dumpster. Glad you kicked his cheating self to the curb.
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A
female
reader, roshin  +, writes (30 August 2010):
frnd,
a fact remains that he is someone who is healing from a broken relationship. and i am sure, you wouldnt have posted this here if it wouldnt have made you sad to break up with him.. take the same in his case.
and about the folder, probably he just forgot about it, and then when it comes to the cheating part, are you sure you asked him directly and to the face? cos thats how its got to be.
good luck:)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 August 2010):
He cheated. And since he had the nerve to lie to your face about it, you were right to dump him. He was not a good guy at alll.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (30 August 2010):
I hate finding things associated with my boyfriend's ex too, but it happens. Past relationships happened and stuff accumulates. People have things in boxes and then forget that they even exist, or lose track of where they are. I know I have pictures of me and my ex and stuffed animals lying around somewhere, and I can't even remember where. As long as there isn't a shrine and he isn't carrying around her picture in his wallet, it should be fine. Maybe eventually he will get rid of it. And snooping only finds you things that hurt you. If you snoop through his whole house, you will find things from his past that he probably doesn't even remember having. And it will just hurt you. Try to live in the present.
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