A
female
age
36-40,
*ishdish
writes:I keep falling into this bad pattern where I significantly endanger my relationship with my boyfriend to the extent that it's almost been over several [between 2 and 4 times, i think 2, within a yr] times. I've never made up drama for the sake of drama, the issues have always been valid concerns, but they are always instigated by me. After we work through these stressful times, I feel VERY close to him, grateful happy, and relieved that we're still together, the whole thing seems to reinforce my feelings about him. i know it sounds like the threat of losing him is what keeps me holding on. I realize this behavior is manipulative and cruel to my partner, I realize its a problem, it's basically breaking us up...I want to stop being destructive and give us a chance without the drama. Are there any serial problem-raisers/drama queens out there like me, maybe have figured out why they do it [am i trying to distance myself or rekindle my feelings? or am i simply trying to find a problem with a good thing, am I overanalyzing everything and being a perfectionist or what]? or does anyone have any advice on how to more deeply and heathfully feel a relationship? I should add that this is a long distance relationship.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 You didn't really state your specific acts of drama but I think most drama in general comes from a place of insecurity. And he may have been able to forgive and forget up to this point, but it will eventually take its toll on the relationship. The fact that you are aware of the problem and want to stop it, shows that there's hope in breaking the cycle of destructive behavior. Some people create drama as a "test" of true love but it ends up destroying the relationship if it continues over and over again. Put yourself in his shoes. How long would you stay with a person who treated you the way you are treating him? Whenever you feel tempted to go off on one of your dramas, ask yourself if you'd want this kind of treatment and maybe it'll help you step back before you act. A loving relationship takes discipline. It's as much about what you say, as what you don't say. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 hi
i dont know if im the right person to answer your question but kinda think i was once involved in a relationship that made feel like a drama queen. i felt naggy like i felt i was looking for problems were there aint any.
my ex was a quite shy type almost mute kind of personality and it was ld relationship as well we were like 5hrs drive apart. and believe me he would stay 5days without calling or texting and he saw nothing wrong with it because in his heart of hearts he still madly inlove with me and u can imagine how i felt being the one initiating the communication feeling negleted and all that and at the end of the day he said i like fighting and noisey and i felt i cant go on like that we eventually had to break it off because we had different perspectives when it comes to relationships.
so belive me i understand what u feel like. if u say your concerns are valid i am sure they are. try to evaluate his personality dont feel bad about raising an issue if it has to be raised. someone has to raise it otherwise it grow into a problem and eventually seperates u guys. learn to understand each other in everything that makes a relationship to work, i promise u its not gonna be easy to master this because of the long distance between the two of you but with patience and devotion u will make it work. good luck
Jovial
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