A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am on my third marriage...I know that sounds bad, but it's a very long story. Let's just say that the term "Young and Dumb" applies most appropriately here. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years, and are happy for the most part.My guilt, however, overwhelms me at this point. I continually have a dream about a past boyfried who I haven't seen in almost 20 years. We were very much in love and he was my very best friend. After several years together as friends and as a couple, I moved away and then went to college. He joined the Army and I didn't see him again for 2 years. I went to see him at a base he was stationed at and we took our "friendship" to a different level....we became lovers. It was a wonderful weekend...one that I hold dear to my heart. He then left for Iraq and we wrote quite often for months. We wrote of love and family and marriage. We were very young. His mother did not approve and called me to ask that I leave him alone for a while and let him focus on his military career. I understood her concern but did not know how to tell him that we had to end our relationship because of my respect for his mother. So..I just stopped writing. I received a few more letters from him...but never responded. And then his correspondence stopped as well. Years went by until I heard from his sister. He had married and had a son. So, I moved on as well. But I never stopped loving him. I just loved from afar.So, now I am married to a pretty great man. But, I dream of a love past. How do I make it stop? Or do I have these dreams to remind me a what might have been?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): i also have the same problem but i wasnt close to the guy.its been 7yrs now since i saw his face but i still dream of him.the first years of my marriage i use to see him very angry then now its better because i ended up tracing his friend who told me that yes he was also interested in me by then.so i have moved on and marriage for 6yrs now.can someone help me,i dont know if i still love him because now i cant stop dreaming and thinking about him.or maybe he was my soulmate?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): I am sorry you did not tell your ex what his mom said. He should deal with her, not you. When he figures out what he wants, you will know where you stand.Love is a powerful thing. His mom needed to leave both of you alone and live her own life.Young love is sometimes the best... I am still married to my first love.You can't change the past, but if you do ever end up single again, you can let him know what happened. I am sure he thought you lost interest. I hope him mom is not an evil person who was trying to make sure he would not be happy, but only serve her needs through his effort. My mom interfered with her son's marriages. Maybe that is the nature of moms and their sons. I am sorry you went through this. I have made mistakes too, but I need to make the marriage I am in work as best as possible [I never dated much, but married my first boyfriend. We work, but are not the best as far as compatibility.]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): You are remembering a romantic time and the early stages of a relationship. Try and think how it was in the early stages of the relationship with your husband because otherwise you are not comparing like with like.
People and events can always look rosier when you look back on them than when you are in the middle of living them.
People often don't forget their first love because it is always special and generally when you are younger. And of course if you had married this man there would have been problems with your mother in law.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Tell yourself that it might have been NOT so great with the guy and you would have missed out on meeting that pretty great man you married. It's probably exactly what would have really happened.
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