A
male
age
41-50,
*d3112
writes:About 7 weeks ago, I woke up one Saturday morning to find that my partner of 5 years had packed some bags and said that she didn't think she loved me anymore and that she needed some time to be herself. We never argued and we had a great relationship, we were best friends and we did everything together. This was completely out of the blue as she was always telling me that she loved me and that she wanted to marry me.She would not respond to any of my calls or emails for 5 weeks and then she finally rang me to tell me that she didn't want to come back. A few days later I saw photos of her with another man on her facebook site and after quizzing her she confessed that she was seeing someone else but she said that he wasn't the reason she left and it was only very recently they started seeing each other. How could she move on so soon? She works with him and before the split she was working away from home at their head office during the week.She is coming to collect the rest of her things this weekend so it seems like it is definitely over.I don't know what to do with myself as I still love her so much and it was such a shock for her to leave me. We have got a joint mortgage to sort out and it is all getting on top of me. I have been prescribed anti depressants by my GP but they don't seem to be working now. Whenever I have time to think all I can imagine is them two together. I just want to put a bullet through my head and end it all now.Does anyone have any practical advice on how I can get through this?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 Hi,
Well its not just us men who are cheaters I guess. She's just trying to make you feel better by not being honest about her relationship with her workmate, but that is now irrelevant for you as she has left you and if you dwell on her infidelity it will only make things worse for you. Unfortunately for you you have been in a relationship with a partner who decided that the new offer on the table was better than the one she had now.
There's no real point in dwelling over the two of them together that's a road that leads to hell.
The only practical advice is to finalise your financial arrangements with her as quickly as possible, you need to get this woman out of your life , the sooner you do this the sooner you will be able to meet someone else.
And most women do want to commit and enjoy a healthy relationship without looking sideways for a better offer, so just hang in there buddy, things will start to look up eventually.
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 Let me tell you my friend, this is a common problem with a lot of women and you have to do some growing up to realize it. Women do not communicate the same way we guys do. They parch things in riddles, small clues and nonverbal signals. We men are used to saying exactly what’s on our minds (and women don’t even realize this). Another thing…women think we can read their minds! HA!
Of course there are exceptions, but largely we are different creatures. Ultimately to understand women takes a lifetime for many men. So I give you this advice from the standpoint of being a man of experience.
That being said I feel for you. I’ve been and in many ways am still going through the same things you are going through. My wife of three years left in a similar way. I had found out in reading her diary that she had been seeing another man. Yes, I wanted to shoot myself too.
That was a year ago, we are still separated and I’m still trying to resolve things and get a divorced settled.
Did I see it coming? No. Hell no. I came home after work and found that half her
things were gone. Why do women do this? I don’t know. Maybe they just don’t want the drama and just want to bail out as quickly as possible without a discussion. Whatever the reason, it’s a terrible way for a breakup to happen, and I don’t respect women who stoop to that, especially as was my case and I also see in yours, their lives were not threatened. There’s nothing that I can compare, short of a death in the family, the measure of hurt that can cause. So for any women who read this and are thinking of breaking up with your guy, do it the right way, talk to the guy first.
Don’t kill yourself man. Don’t try to make contact with her, because she’s a lost cause. It hurts and it should hurt. Don’t even go to her facebook. You loved her and trusted her, and she betrayed your trust. What did you do? Nothing. You did all you could, I’m sure. You are the victim in this not she. Don’t make yourself the bigger victim and kill yourself because that will resolve nothing. She will go to your funeral and breath a sigh of relief thinking …whew, this guy was so unstable that he did this to himself…I’m glad I left him when I did.
She is gone. Come to terms with that, and then pick up the pieces. You sound like a nice guy and I’m sure there are some very nice girls out there who can appreciate a man like you. You have your life ahead of you. You can make a clean start of it because you didn’t have children with her, and that’s good. If you are a man who believes in God, do some praying. God does answer your prayers.
I am personally one year removed from my separation a much better man. I’m in a better job now; I can pay the mortgage myself. I have a better perspective about what my wife did. I don’t talk to her much, I consciously choose not to. But I have recovered from the emotional shock. One thing you do have to do to move on is forgive her. No matter what kind of pain she caused in your breakup, she’s only thinking for herself, and frankly your feelings have nothing to do with her now.
Sort out your business with your home, get it sold if you have to, then get out there and meet women again. I love women. I’m not going to give them up because one did me wrong. You shouldn’t either. Take your time if you have to. Learn from this and move on. Live day to day, and live good. The right one will come around someday.
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