A
female
age
41-50,
*anther01
writes:I just don't get it.I went out with a guy for 9 months. We split as he realised that he doesn't want a relationship and wants to see other women, so therefore doesn't want to be worrying about me in the background. I left him to it, he kept calling me and telling me he was missing me. I met him a couple times, gave him a CD for his birthday. Nothing physical happened.Then the contact stopped again. Then he called me to say he's missing me. I had a go at him saying no point telling me all this if you're not going to do anything about it. A few months ago I went on holiday, left him my house keys to look after whilst I'm away. Then I saw him on my return. We have had sex since, I asked him what he wants....He replied, I honestly don't know. I'd be lying if I say anything else to you as I don't deserve that.He said he's still young (26) I'm 29 and that he's happy with the way things are. He said the ball is in my court. He doesn't want to see other girls, he knows I don't want casual. He wants to take things slowly and RELAX and have fun. Which I'm Ok with. He wants to enjoy his life and not have the responsibility of a relationship. When we first met he did want a relationship, but since then his mother is getting divorced again.Thank youI just want to know is he being honest or is he using me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Panther01 +, writes (10 March 2008):
Panther01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm so glad you've been bluntly honest. A guy of 26 is young. I'm not 100% sure about what I want. However I do know that I have very strong feelings for him.With regards to him trying it on with other women, the fact is he is a BIG flirt. He even flirts with women in their 50's, checkout assistants (randomly). He's admitted he gets carried away with it, but it's just the way he is. He's not short of offers, I've been aware of other women interested in him from day one.I'm happy to see him, as when we are together we get on great. We go out, watch DVDs etc, so I know it's not just physical.My main concern is whether he's being genuine, not sure how I can work it out. Recently I told him that he's had a complaint made against him (we work at the same place). Although he was aware he wasn't fully in the know. His flirting gives alot of women the wrong impression (inc my friends). Anyway someone has not taken it lightly and made a complaint to his boss. He flirts, then when women tell him they're interested he tells them that he's not. Not a good thing, I know. He was quite upset when I told him. The other problem is, the last I heard from him was Thursday just gone (met him Wednesday). I didn't reply until Friday, but the message came back failed and now the number is unavailable. By that I mean it's not on the network. I'm confused, I think I need to re-assurance that he's not wasting my time or even using me.Thank you for your time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Has he at any point after you two FIRST got to be an item tried to approach other women?
If not, then it seems a simple case of fear of commitment, probably not helped by the fact that you are older. Sorry, but a guy of 26 is FAR younger then a woman of 29.
If he has tried it with other woman, then he is just using you. Remember TRIED counts, he might just be using you because he has no luck with others.
Frankly what do you want? I am not exactly getting the idea that you are madly in love with him. You don't want casual, but what do you want? Marriage?
If you a 29 yr old don'tknow what you want, how can you expect a young guy to know? Sort yourselve out first.
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