A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey :) well basically i could use some help. I dont really how to say this but i feel so un-attractive its unbelivable. Its been really getting me down and no matter how hard i try i just cant seem to feel like im pretty or good looking at all. I am quite fat which gets me down but i am attempting to lose weight over the summer holidays so i suppose that is going well. I can never really find any clothes that like suit me or anything i think i look nice in or defines what im like, i know this might sound kinda pathetic but sometimes i feel like i just can't be the person i want to be. My looks really get me down, i do have low self esteem and ive been trying to rise it slowly and i am getting there but it just seems like i always end up at sqaure one again. I never get any like intrest of boys or anything and if i do its normanally them shouting mean things at me in the streets. I just want to fit in a feel good about myself for once i want to be able to find some style that i like and that i look good in, i want to be able to lose some weight and be able to take the self image of me from my head and be able to look like that. I know that this might just sound pettie or stupid but some days it really ruins my life and i cry about it, its like i have some sort of mental block in my head which just wont allow me to look how i want to look and find clothes that other people might think look nice or other boys might think look nice or i think look nice not just sink into the background and be another recluse who no-one appreciates Please help me.
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I know how you feel. It got embarrassing to the point where I felt I had to do something about it. I never realized how big I was and how much weight I was gaining until I made a rip in 2 or 3 pairs of my favorite pants within one school week. I've always felt fat because I was the fattest one in my group of friends. They would make fun of it sometimes but they never meant to make me feel bad about it, but they did sometimes. But they're my best friends and I love them a lot and without them, I would still feel depressed and not good enough. I exercise now and I haven't lost that much, but it's coming off and I'm starting to feel better about myself. Just start off walking everyday for at least 30 min at the speed that your body will allow and gradually increase. And try not to eat unhealthy things so much, maybe once or twice a week. You will start feeling better about yourself with this change. As for the guys on the street, they're too immature to be associated with so just ignore them. And get out and meet new people. Just start talking and you'll be amazed at the type of friendships you can form. Meeting my best friends changed my personality a lot, but in a good way. Things will get better. It will take time but they will. Always believe in yourself and whenever you feel like giving up, just think about the kind of person you want to be and keep striving. Hope I helped.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): I'm sorry to hear you feel like this, I was in a similar position at your age, so I know how much it sucks, but first off you need to know: It does get better!
You have already identified that you want to lose weight, which can be a good goal, just make sure you are focused on the health benefits of being a healthy weight, not losing weight to look 'prettier'. Try and exercise a bit everyday, and keep a record of it so you can track your progress (this also helps you stick to it).
Another thing to remember is that becoming the person you want is not about it all happening at once, its a continuous process, the point is to enjoy each little achievement along the way, not keep worrying about when you are going to finally get there.
Make it fun for yourself, try to enjoy the process of choosing your new look, have a look on websites like polyvore.com, which has heaps of clothes and style ideas of how people wear them, spend some time writing out basic stuff like what you like on other people, and if you don't think that will quite work for you, try to brainstorm how you can make it work (for example, if you don't like your legs, maybe you can still wear dresses and short skirts with stockings, stuff like that?) decide what colours you like, and work them into your wardrobe. Identify your best feature or ask someone to tell you what it is, and try and use that to help you.
Get rid of anything you own that doesn't really look good or makes you feel insecure, or find a better way to make it work (maybe spend a night trying on all your stuff, different hairstyles, different makeup ideas, just for fun, and take note of anything that looks really nice)
I always like lots of accessories, jewelery, headbands,lipstick, scarfs, all that stuff makes it seem like you have a 'look', which makes you look better dressed and pulls an outfit together...When something doesn't work out, don't get upset, just cross it off and try something else. There are literally thousands of websites and fashion blogs, just start looking until you find something you like, then copy it, modify it, or just use it as inspiration.
It takes along time to build up confidence, and there is no quick way to do it except through believing that you are a confident person, and act like it even though maybe deep down inside you don't feel that way. Fake it until it comes naturally. You have to believe that you do have the ability to have the life you want, and that you are a good person who deserves to be happy and enjoy your life. So constantly tell yourself you are great, amazing and gorgeous all the time, and treat yourself like you would treat your best friend! People are always attracted to people who are acting confident, smiling, and seem like they are enjoying themselves, all of which you can achieve if you love and take care yourself first.
I hope this helps, all the best!
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