A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20, and feel awfully shity about myself...Thing is I've been through a tough time, up and down all the time. People say you never get over your first love and they're probably right. I always knew deep down it would never happen but it always seemed obvious to everyone he had feelings for me. A few things happened that gave it away but it also showed how shy he was. He isn't a player at all so I'm confused as to why he never treated me the same as the others or spoke to me as easily. Either way i gave him the option and asked if there was a chance of us being together and he said no.We remained friends and carried on as normal until he started changing and spreading lies about me, telling his mats stuff that wasn't true. At this point i was extremely confused as to why...when I've not done anything why he had the need to talk to all his mates about me when they don't even know me. After this i ended the friendship, i have seen him twice since and i really miss him. A part of me is happy with life now but then again i really miss him, but what i do know is i couldn't cope with going back to the times when he was awkward with me.This comes into the other reason why i feel awful... up to the age of 16 I've been so quiet, never went out or anything but now I've found the life i want. My problem is i rely on certain people for happiness, such as like 1 friend in particular, because i get used to it and i don't want things to change. I have many groups of friends of whom i spend time with and enjoy however there's 1 person who since shes split with her bf and I've been having trouble we've spent loads of time together. Its really helped me get through the tough times and take my mind off it, however shes got a new bf and im afraid its all gonna end. I've been feeling like this a while, as my uni days are coming to an end for 4 months and its been the good days like those that's helped me get through life without that guy. I always knew id miss it but i didn't think it would affect me like this, especially since i know that once people get into a relationship they never have the same friendships anymore... I'm scared really and I've always been the same. I want to change and i know nothing is guaranteed in life but i need to snap out of all this because its getting me nowhere. I don't want the good times to end and truth is i want this guy back. I just don't know whats right and wrong. If anyone could help me id be really grateful i just want to change and move on and be happy. But i dont know how to get there.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Hi You sound like you need to find who you are!you dont need anyone to be able to be YOU. I wonder if you were hurt by someone close to you as a child? and you feel you have to be the one to make everyone happy , for yourself to happy? Your right you DO need to move on and for the better. If your friend has found a new BF, then she will obviously be going through a honeymoon period, so please dont feel like she dont care about you, if she cant always be there for you right now. Andthis guy has made it clear how he feels about you, if he can spread nasty roumors around about you, he is very immature and trying to boost his own ego. why would you want to go back to that?? your worth more than that. you say you have 4 months off uni? then why dont you use that time to revise some more, and sweating it out in the gym? it will give you strength, and confidence to find someone who will treat you with respect, and along the way you will find out some more about yourself :)CHANGE is GOOD , its what makes you a better person, its what gives you your goals in life. if you stay doing the same thing day in day out you will nevr be where you really want to be will you? so hold your head up high, take a deep breath and go out into the world, make new freinds, go new places, try new things. you will look back on this one day ad say wow I acheieved so much :)I hope this has helped
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