A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you make a situation less awkward? About 3 months ago I got with a colleague and in short, he was an idiot about things and very misleading. He's clearly in the wrong and has never apologised or addressed the situation, but that's besides the point.I was hurt because I had liked him, and while I haven't been rude to him I have been avoiding him and pretty much ignoring his existence! We haven't spoken for about a month and I am still hurt but also realise that this ignoring/anger is a) pointless and b)not healthy especially as we work together and we were actually friends before any of this happened. I just want things to go back to normal but I don't know how to achieve that! It's so hard to make normal conversation when we haven't spoken for ages... I don't know if he even wants to be friends again or even cares either way, and I don't want him to misinterpret my friendliness as trying to "win him around". No one at work knows what happened between us and it's just making life unnecessarily difficult to hold a grudge.
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female
reader, malvern  +, writes (29 November 2016):
 Years ago when I was your age I had an awkward situation with a lad in my crowd of friends. We hadn't fallen out with each other but things got awkward. We were in the same crowd of friends which made it doubly awkward. In the end I plucked up all my courage and rang him up. I just said that I was sorry for what had happened and that I didn't have any hard feelings about it, and perhaps we should put it all behind us as I didn't want there to be any awkwardness between us. He agreed with me and seemed very relieved that I'd rung. He actually told one of my friends afterwards how glad he was that I'd done this. So, just pick up the phone and speak to him because I'm sure he's feeling just as bad as you about everything. I'm certain this will knock the situation on the head and you can both get back to a normal situation again.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 November 2016):
 Be professional. Be polite. But don't be friendly. I agree you need to let the bitterness go as it won't do you any good. It is only you that is suffering. That's the thing with hooking up with a work mate. If it goes wrong it makes life awkward. I am sorry this has happened you. But there is a lesson to learn here. So yes either you can let go off the resentment but only speak to him in regards to work related items. Or if it gets to much apply for a new job.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (27 November 2016):
 I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I gather from your post that he probably saw his time with you as an opportunistic hookup while you had harbored genuine feelings for him and were hoping something more serious would come out of it. The thing is, while he SHOULD have been honest with you about his intentions all along, if he wasn't a big enough man or a good enough person to do that, expecting that he will ever grow a conscience and apologize is not realistic and will only keep you thinking about him when you'd otherwise have moved on. (And now that you know this about him, is he really someone you want to repair a friendship with?)
Make no mistake, it is very important that you do move past this on a professional level if you're planning to stay in your current workplace. I'd be very surprised if some of your coworkers haven't noticed the sudden avoiding and ignoring and drawn their own conclusions from it, even if they haven't discussed the situation with you. Here's the problem: they don't have the full story, so when they see him acting as though nothing has happened and you avoiding him, refusing to speak to him or giving him the cold shoulder, the one it reflects poorly on is you. He may be entirely to blame for whatever happened between you, but unfortunately no one (besides the two of you) knows that. It sucks, but that's the way it is. Unless you want to give your former friend the satisfaction of wreaking havoc on your professional life as well as your personal life, you *have* to take the high road and resume a professional demeanor in all situations where your work may require you to interact with this guy. That includes speaking to him when appropriate. You don't have to be friendly or act like you're trying to win him over; just treat him exactly the same as you might a male coworker you aren't attracted to and have no romantic history with.
Let the grudge go. As you said, it's difficult to keep holding, and he doesn't sound like someone who deserves either the effort or that kind of control over your work life and emotional well-being.
Hope this helps. Good luck, and best wishes for happier days ahead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2016): Thank you for sharing your story. It gives my advise not to date in the workplace more solid standing. It is what it is.
The tension between you will subside naturally in time. It's only fresh in your memory and only awkward for you; because his very presence is an embarrassment to you. You're beating yourself up, because you blame yourself for making a bad decision. It happens. So lighten-up on yourself.
If he offers no apology, he does you a favor. You can now let go. Inadvertently, he is placing the professional-distance between you that should have always been there.
He also taught you that you should be wary of dating so close to where you earn your bill money. It's a lot easier to go your separate ways when a connection goes south; and you don't have to look at each other 40 hours a week. The stress of your job is enough without your personal-life being mixed into it.
Your dignity is still intact. Hold your head high and walk the halls with full confidence. He was just one stumble in a long journey through life; and he's made you stronger as a woman by teaching you with whom and when to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
You can also survive without an apology. You've only got to forgive yourself, my dear. You regain your power by not allowing anyone to hold control over your emotions.
Continue to put on an act as though you're completely over it. It will become completely real in just a matter of time.
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