A
female
age
30-35,
*irgin18
writes:I really need to know what people, other than friends and family, think about my issue. I have been in this relationship for almost a year and I love him more than anything, and I know he loves me a lot too, he has told me this. Our relationship pretty much doesn't have much flaws, he is sensitive, listens to me, he is supportive of the things I do he is just a lovely person and the best boyfriend I could have hope for ever! He is that rare type you don't see much these days, the one of a kind who is not only 100% in our relationship but that melts you with words and actions. He even sent me flowers at work after a few days of dating (which was the biggest surprise ever, no one has ever done that for me, and the best part is that he just sent them just because, we were not mad at each other, it wasn't my birthday or anything special he just says that it was because he wanted to make me smile). One other thing is that we rarely have arguments, and when we do they are not those types that we are so annoyed at each other that we need a day to make up, no we have the argument and we make up 5 mins after. So you are probably wondering what the hell is the problem right? Well he works too much. I know it might be stupid but he works so much that he is always tired (mind you he is in his mid 20s right now) and at times there are weeks in a row when I only get to see him one day, if that, and it is not as if we live states away or anything, he is 20 mins away from me by car and he has a car so it is not so difficult. The problem is that because of the fact that he works too much every day for me is like 'will this finally be the day I will get to see him?' That is the deal every week. We have had this conversation before and he tells me he expects to see me over the weekend, but when it comes to him the weekend is only Saturday because he works every other day of the week and that is his only day off, but not so much sometimes. Take today for example, it is Saturday and I was starting to get used to the idea of the weekend things, he decided to go do a side job, because of the need of money. But then I'm like, even Saturdays are limited, then because he does that often, working on his only day off, and leaving me hanging. The problem is that it hurts me, a lot, because I love him too much and I start asking myself 'when is the time for me then?', and I have a lot to do too and I still manage to be able to see him. I fix my schedule around him so we can see each other. And I do things such as napping all day with him and doing nothing else, during the days we do get to see each other, just because I want to be with him. And I don't think he sees the sacrifices I make, to ensure I get to see him. He is a college graduate but his job is not on his field, it's a mediocre things, where he does everything, and doesn't get paid enough for it. His job runs his life completely and every time I tell him this he just gets defensive so I try not to go too much into it. I've tried to talk to him about it because it hurts me' the times we do get to see each other 2 or 3 times a week is because I am the one that insists and take the initiative. we had one of our major arguments on this same topic last week and he confessed that he wants to see me more but that at the moment he was not able to because of all the things going on in his life (and family problems) at the moment, so its like he wants me to bear with him for as long as it takes and I do. It is just that I suffer silently and mostly leave everything I want to say within me. Which makes it hurt more. I am not asking what I should do because I know I'll just have to suck it up, because I don't want to lose him, I just want to know what people think. Thanks I know that was long.
View related questions:
at work, flowers, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 I think you love him too much!Why is that, maybe because you want to assure yourself that you are loved, lovable, worthy.. etc.You don't need any validation, though you are in a RS that insists you beg for it.Why is that?This will happen again in another RS unless you find out why you need to be needed.Take this time, while he is doing his life, and do yours.But don't get busy with stuff. We'll always have stuff to do.Stay quiet and ponder your needs, fears, desires."you can't always get what you want, but you get what you need" What does that mean? Does it mean we never know what we want, or maybe that what we end up getting is what we need. Like a broken heart or loneliness.One has to always find there answers in their results.Your RS is resulting in abandonment. Why is that?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): He sounds great and probably works all hours so eventually,when the right job comes along, you two will have a good secure future together. Nowadays jobs are scarce and people have to take whats on offer and stick with it.He is doing his best right now.What you have to do is decide if he is what you want, I can understand you wanting to see more of him totally - but this guy really needs your support right now, not pressure.Can you ever give it?If you decide you want loads of together time with a b/f,then move on, find a guy who meets your needs.
...............................
A
female
reader, amazingk +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Clearly you and this relationship is not his priority. That may not be how he would like for things to be, but unfortunately these are the circumstances he faces at this time. If this isn't working for you, then make a move already. Either stay with him and stop giving him a hard time about it, as you know the situation already, or find somebody that can give you the kind of time and attention you desire. Continuing to argue and make him feel bad for how his life has to be right now is just going to make him rethink whether or not it's a good idea to stay with you... You're young, he may be a great guy but he's not the last man on earth. Find what you want instead of trying to extract it from people that aren't in a position to give it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Patience :)
He will see better days Im sure especially if he has a job that isnt related to his degree, he'll find one and that will hopefully be less strainful on your relationship.
This guy to me sounds like he's shown you he wants you and he's struggling with balance right now. Money is not entirely important and to him it might be because of his age and desire to reach goals (lol maybe one of them is to slap a ring on your finger and thats why all the hours?)... he has a strong work ethic and isnt lazy which the plus side, the minus is the time. In my opinion, yes, if he truly wants a relationship with you he will make time and find a way to be with you. Ive done that and know other guys who have as well. If he doesnt, he's focused on his job and perhaps maybe for his own benefit. Best on this.
...............................
|
