A
female
age
,
*kea4god
writes:I'm going through a divorce and it has been a very long time since I have been with a man. Well, my daughter introduced me to her supervisor and I explained that I am just looking for someone to help ease the sexual tension. He calls me almost daily just to talk about how my day was, how his day is, etc.We were supposed to get together a week ago and my days got turned around and I had to cancel. He called about six times that day. In the meantime, we finally got together a couple of days later. After I went home, he called me and said that he wants me to get to know him better and he wants to get to know me as well. I'm feeling uneasy because I'm not trying to make it more than what it is - casual sex. What is he trying to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): I lost a good friend because he fell in love with me when we were suppose to be casual. Just be honest is the best advice I can give! He seems like he wants more, maybe it would be best to just cut ties.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 February 2009):
Sounds like he likes you.
I have had guys who are simply really good mates for me, but that I have slept with every now and then and it's been great but has meant nothing.
Friends with benefits is a fantastic place to be BUT you have to know the rules and stick to them.
Rule 1. There is no commitment, there never will be more than friendship.
Rule 2. If either party breaks rule one by getting jealous or wanting more then the arrangement must come to an end.
If Rule 1 is broken then it stops being a bit of fun and becomes one person using another for sex. If this guy is hanging round because he wants to be with you and then you sleep with him then it's going to give him hope. We get questions on here all the time "but afterwards he cuddled me for like 40 minutes so he must care about me, mustn't he????"
You can be great mates with him, you can care about him, you have have amazing sex with him, but if you think he LIKES you in a girlfriend kind of way then you have to cut contact. That way he can get over you and move on to find a woman who wants a boyfriend. It's in everyone's best interests.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 February 2009):
 Well I'm one of the more permissive advisors, and in my opinion, it is perfectly okay for a full-grown woman to satisfy her needs with a casual relationship. This guy, however, seems to possibly be the clingy type. He apparently wants more than casual sex, and I think that you simply need to tell him outright - that he can take it or leave it, but stop pestering you or he gets nothing.
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