A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last friday night I went to a bar to celebrate my cousin's birthday. She's not my blood cousin but I've known her since she was born. Her sister was there and although we aren't very close I still consider her family. A few years ago the cousin (the one I'm not close with) and I fell out because she slept with this guy I was seeing. Well she decided to bring her ex to the bar on friday and I didnt know this, but I started talking to him, and for the first time, since being with my ex,I felt like I actually met someone I didnt need to fake interest in the conversation.I was hanging off every word he said and didnt think of my ex once. Near the end of the night my cousin didnt really seem too happy with us talking and told him to go back into the bar with her, and she ended going to his house. I ran into her today and she told me he was really excited because I added him on facebook. There was definitely a connection but I dont belive its right to date a friend or family members ex. I just really cant stop thinking about him and dont know what to do.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 I think you should talk to her about this situation. I can see that you are a genuine person and even though she hurt you, you don't want to do the same to her, which is a very good thing to do. She has some sort of hold over him and am not sure she is ready to move on from him. But I think if you like this guy then you should talk to her first before you take things further. Just ask her what the story is with them and tell her that you would like to meet up with him and would she be ok with that. Just sit and talk to her, it is the right thing to do if you consider her family. Show her that her feelings matter to you and that you respect her.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Your cousin is not too happy at the moment. She may even want to rekindle her relationship with her ex. Telling you about the Facebook connection was her way to tell you that she is still in touch with him. And ordering him around was showing dominance. Plus going back to her home was the final stamp of "he's mine"
And her own guilt over the past suggests that she probably still feels that you will have some views about her nasty deceit inflicted on you. And feel that you may only want him in revenge (but I do NOT think that is your motivation at all). perhaps she is worried that you might hurt his feelings if you only wanted him as revenge. But that is NOT your motivation.
However he may well be just as impressed by you as you were with him.
His ex probably monitors his Facebook.
So find another way to 'just happen to run into him by accident' situation if you can. What can you recall about his interests? And what he enjoys and where he likes to visit?
Unless this guy and your cousin are not dating and their reconnection was only a recent platonic reunion then I cannot see why you should not talk to him again. And see what other things you have in common.
if they are not together than I think you have a green light to go ahead.
In those circumstances there is no impediment what so ever to you seeing what is possible. Take it slow and get to know him better.
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