A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedAndTired1991
writes:I guess I'm just a little lost...ok this is going to sound really bad and yes I know I screwed up by even going there in the first place but I need a little help.I was working for a company for over a year when they decided to move me to another store, at this point I was literally just getting out of a seriously bad patch, I suffer from depression and anxiety. I was adamant I wasn't moving at first but it was either that or lose my job.anyway, when I did get moved and started in the new store I settled in fast, the people were around my age and we got on. Me and my store manager got really close, he had broken up with his gf of 3 years a few months previous and was getting over it. I hadn't been with anyone in 3 years nor had I been interested until I met him. We talked constantly, about anything and everything. We spent a lot of time together and it was difficult being apart. We both agreed neither of us were ready for a relationship and that was fine but we fell for each other... or at least that's what he said. He used to tell me he missed me, he got jealous over another guy we worked with that spoke about me constantly, he worried about me. He has his insecurities and that's fine because I have mine and it brought us closer when we spoke. We used to spend the night together at least twice a week and he would get really disappointed if I couldn't for some reason.A few months later and he was forced to resign from his position for something stupid more than one of us had done, I showed my support by handing in mine and leaving too. Turns out the people we worked with back stabbed both of us. He was without worm for a week and I was working in a bar, he would come and see me and we would meet after I finished, he was a little off but I put that down to stress.he began working for a company that I now work for too, although completely different regions and he has become distant... he doesn't talk like he used to, when I try I always get I can't be bothered or I'm tired.he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, he doesn't make any sort of effort and when I say something he has a go at me. I'm acting childish, it's just for now, I'm getting on his nerves.I needed him for last night because I can feel myself going back to the dark place I managed to climb out of and I just needed a friend. He wasn't there... I tried talking and he said he's going to bed but stayed online for nearly 2 hours after that.He told me that I was his best friend and if I ever left It would hurt him more than anything, just like it would me. We planned holidays together, weekends away at the end of last month and moving out of out parents together. Since he started his new job none of it has been discussed, he's changed his mind and I don't know what I've done.I'm tired of being walked over and treated like im not good enough... today he said to me he met a really fit girl on his training course, she was proper trim and he loved his job... what is he trying to do? I can't keep up with this anymorw and I want to believe it's gonna go back to the way it was, but I know I'm kidding myself.someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do... 3 years it took me to let someone else in and now it looks like he's cutting me out for some reason, I don't want anything more than what we had but I want that back... sorry, I don't have much experience with any of this so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2016): Here's the thing. When someone says that are not ready for a relationship, it basically means "I'm just not that into you". I understand needing time after a breakup, but in that case, you don't hangout and sleep with one particular person, because that's basically just entering another relationship. You take time by yourself and hang out with different people. By saying he didn't want a relationship but then dating you and sleeping with you anyway, right from the start he was deliberately keeping you at a distance.Now, he's cutting you out because he never intended to be with you anyway. He obviously liked you and found you attractive, but wasn't fully invested in you. That's a reflection on him, not you. By talking about other girls, he is literally telling you that he's moved on. I don't think there is any going back I'm afraid. The least painful thing to do would be to stop speaking to him at all and try to move on too.Try reaching out to other friends. I've found that sometimes, when you're in a bad place, the least expected people can help get you out. Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 March 2016):
 I think he's someone who balks whenever something gets serious so he has to "protect himself" by venturing into something new. Like hitting the reset button. I bet it's nothing like she's fitter therefore she's better than you. It's more like he doesn't want to invest his heart deeper so he has to cut you off. You both met when you were in a dark place. Although you've had happiness with him, it was codependent. You both understood each other because of the shared anxiety problems. He sounds like he doesn't want anything real. He just wants to play the field. It's true that neither of you wanted relationships but at the same time, you still get attached. You get the same jealousies, possessiveness, just without the benefit of a strong bond. So that's what he wants to get rid of. A futile relationship that only triggers that negative feelings.
Maybe one day when you get better and are ready for love, you would attract the same and won't settle for some flaky relationships.
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