A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday I met up with my boyfriend for the first time. We actually ended up having sex, and I know it was really to soon! We actually did it without a condom, and I do plan on getting checked out just to make sure. Anyways now looking back on it I kind of regret it because now I'm in big trouble and my parents won't ever look at me the same. The whole time they've been calling and I avoided their phone calls because we were in our session. I didn't think I would get into so much trouble because my mother is really paranoid. I think she knows I had sex, but the thing that bothers me is that she makes it seem as if I'm a hoe. I don't throw myself out there. I avoid as many guys as I can, and when one catches my eye I let them know (only happened twice). Before I even lost my virginity my mom has always been accusing me of sleeping around. It just so happens my boyfriend textd me and my mother saw the text and asked who is it, I decided to tell her the truth even though she knew..she wanted to hear my words about it. Instead of her not seeing it as a big deal she made it seem as if I'm going in the wrong route..and she doesn't want me to get pregnant and all that stuff. I know shes looking out for my best interest but I'm not a stupid girl. I have sex I've been looking out for myself...I've been having sex for almost two years and my grades have been great and I keep them on track. Its always school first in my book. But she doesn't believe that. What's wrong with having a boyfriend? Yesterday I cried my eyes out because I think my father disowned me. But my brother talking to more than one girl..and etc. being a "player" they see as cute. I just don't get it. I still wanna cry and now I'm grounded for two weeks. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like maybe he wasn't worth it because now my family has turned against me. What should I do now?
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condom, lost my virginity, text, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Good call, this sure isn't a 18-21 year old, at least one can only hope it isn't.
And to the poster, listen to your parents and do what your told.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): I just re-read my post and I think I need to explain why I wrote it so aggressively. OP sometimes I think I need to be nice and sensitive in my replies to someone who needs help. I just felt that was wrong approach in your case, I think you need a 'slap in the face' kind of response because you're playing with fire and you're doing this whole sex/relationship thing completely wrong.
You're in real danger of being used by guys for sex, what's going to happen once he tells all his buddy's you had sex with him on the first date and you didn't make him wear a condom? He WILL tell them. I'm not going to upset you by telling you how people will perceive you after he tells them that.
Just know that we guys rarely see girls like that as good for any kind of long term relationship. The long term relationship girls are the ones that make us work for it, the ones that practice safe sex, the ones that make us wait a while and the ones that make healthy choices most of the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): You say you're not stupid yet you had unprotected sex on the first date? I think your parents might be justified in their fears. You've been having sex for 2 years now and you still went ahead and did this REALLY stupid thing. Okay we all make mistakes but after 2 years of sexual activity you think you'd get the whole protection thing. Plus sleeping with someone on the first date is a no-no too.
It's not about grades, it's about your health and if you make bad choices like this a lot then they have a right to be afraid of what will happen to you. They're your parents they know you better than you know yourself, you should listen to them.
You're calling this guy your boyfriend after just one date!
Also you're sneaking around behind your parents back and now you're grounded, are you sure you're 18-21 OP because you sound a little too immature to be of that age group.
You wanna know why they give your brother some slack, because he can't get pregnant and he probably uses condoms.
Look please don't get upset over my post. I might sound harsh but you really need to wake up, you really don't see what's going on here at all. Your entire question is filled with total naivety, the truth is you don't sound like you're ready for sex at all. Because you really did make a very bad choice, you actually risked your life, you do realize that right? You do realize that some STD's are fatal, right? and babies are a life time commitment and one that you really are not ready to take.
You need to sit down and talk to your parents about sex, you need to ask them what you're doing wrong and why they are so protective. Because frankly if I had to put an age on you based on what you wrote I'd say 13.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 First of all... he is your "boyfriend" but that was your first date?
I dont get that bit.
How did you meet this guy if you only met up with him for the first time yesterday? Is he an internet date? If so that could be what your mother is so upset about. Not that you had sex on a first date, but that you put yourself into such a dangerous place with someone you didnt actually know.
If you knew it was too soon to have sex, why did you let it happen? You could have said no.
Go and get yourself checked out, for STI's and STD's as well as taking the emergency contraceptive pill.
If you dont know anything about this guy, he could have been with many women, and had unprotected sex with them too. Please be careful.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (9 September 2010):
It says you're 18-21. And your parents are grounding you? For what, being out late with a guy? Maybe it's time to move out of your parents' house. Do you have a job? I think you could do with some independence. Honestly, it would probably do your parents good because they would realize they can start to let go of you a little and not feel responsible for every decision you make. It would probably be a load off their minds.
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