A
female
age
36-40,
*shhm
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 14month now and we have set a date to get married wich is next year but i recently found out he cheated on me with my best friends little sister i feel so disapointed and let down do you think we still have a chance together
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female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Personally, I believe 'once a cheater, always a cheater.'
Besides, you've obviously forgiven him for not dumping him the second he confessed what he did - what's to stop him from cheating again, because now he assumes he can get away with it?
(Which is wrong, because life is NOT Burger King, he can't always have it his way.)
Obviously, you still have a chance of getting married, you still are together.
However consider this: Can you REALLY trust him? What is the foundation of your marriage really going to built on? Mistrust and possibly, Regret from not leaving when you had the chance?
Hope this helps, feel free to message me if you want to talk some more
xo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Sure you still have a chance together. I mean he cheated on you but he didn't leave you, right? Yeah, with that attitude cheating is the least of your worries. Just as long as he doesn't leave you, you'll be fine.
It's like I don't get people who get cheated on and have so much dignity that they end things immediately and never look back. Who needs dignity nowadays? Ha!
But your reaction takes the cake. You get cheated on and ask if there is still any hope for the two of you...Forget telling him to jump in a lake. Of course not.
Well sure there is hope. Just let him cheat away, cause atleast he'll always come back to you. In fact, why don't you throw him a little cheating party with all his favorite mistresses all in good fun. This guy sounds like a real winner, and as long as you turn a blind eye to what he did, and perhaps even try to incorporate his cheating ways into your daily routine I think you both will have a really good chance of being together. Why would you want it any other way? That's just silly...
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 your asking us if you still ahve a chance of being together, well the only person with the real answer to that is yourself. but the red flag to me here among others, is the fact that this wasnt just a one night stand with some random girl on a drunken night, but he went close enough to your family - your friends sister!
also how did you find out? if he admitted it and is truly sorry, then maybe - a big maybe, you can work through this, if he told you straight away. however if you found out through someone else, then not only has he cheated, but he has lied, betrayed you and breached your trust.
to be honest if i was you i would call off the engagement and take some time to think about wat you really want.
but in my opinion, there is someone better for you out there that wont treat you that way and will respect and appreciate wat you have to give them.
good luck and i hope you make the right choice for you.
keep in touch if you want xxx
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (1 July 2008):
 There are men who cheat, and will always cheat however much they assure you they will never do it again.
There is also a rarer breed of cheater, who makes a mistake and who really does realise how bad that mistake was and how much he has to lose. There aren't so many of these, I think, but they do exist.
It's difficult, but you need to try to understand his motives if you want to make the best possible decision. Ask yourself, not him, "why did he cheat?". If there's no answer, it's probably because he's just a cheater and he'll do it again. If there is a reason, however wrong or unreasonable that reason may be, then you can ask yourself the all-important second question: "does he still have that reason and is there anything else that will mean he won't do it again?"
Good luck. I hope you can work it out.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (1 July 2008):
I wouldn't write him off completely, though it may take years before you two are able to get beyond this. There's a certain "devil you know vs. devil you don't know" thing here. There's a slim but real chance that he can learn from this - but don't be too quick to get over it.
I'd cancel the marriage date and spend the next six months dealing with this - more or less until you get a really clear answer for yourself. Agree not to see others, but maybe abstain from each other until you get clarity. If either of you sleeps with anyone else again, forget it.
Try to work through this over several months, etc. Discuss it, and thrash it out - maybe even see a counselor. If he won't take it seriously, then forget it. If he does, then look in the mirror and decide how much you love him, and act accordingly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): No, you don't have a chance together. Why? Because he cheated on you and cheating is lying, in my books, This says a lot about his true character. Not only did he deeply disrespect you, he horridly under valued you and that is not love. You don't do such a horrid betrayal to people you love. Cheaters are selfish people who value no one. It's all about them, their feelings and what they want. Remember that. Walk away and go find an awesome guy, who loves you, respects you and would never dream of of doing this to you. Learn from this!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): There are two types of people in this world: a) those who are willing to cross the line into cheating, whatever the circumstances, and b) those who aren't - ever. Your man belongs to group A. Which type of man do you want? A or B?
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Once a cheater always a cheater!
I don't want to mess up your vission of a long happy life wiht him .. but if he could of do it, when you guys were not married ... than imagine, what he will do, when you are his "sure" thing!
I don't have guts for these guys. I Went through it .. it never worked!!!!!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (1 July 2008):
 That all depends on whether you are willing to forgive and forget, are you strong enough to brush it under the carpet and pretend it never happened. If you are then yes you still both have a chance together. If you can't forget about it then your future with him will be short lived. To be honest in a way its good you found out about it now and not once you were married. At this point you have the choice to forget about it and walk away from the whole thing. Its quite a big thing what he did, espessially as it was your best friends little sister. If he cheated like this once then what makes you think he will not do it again?. I would think long and hard as to whether this is the guy that you want to marry next year.
All the best x
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