A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ahhh! lol I need some serious advice!I have been seeing this guy for almost 2 years. He's good friends with my step sister. It started out as friends with benefits. We only talked to each other basically when we wanted sex. And then, the sex became amazing! For the past year it's much more than sex, there are hard feelings involved for each other. The problem is, I recently found out he used to go out with my SISTER!! He's never said a word, and I never thought to ask. I just thought they were good friends. I found this out from her at a party. When I asked him he said "oh yeah for sure".I have no clue what to do. My friend says he's no good because he shouldn't do that while another friend says go ahead, the deed is already done. =( Please help!Thank you so much in advance... I'm really torn and appreciate your help!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 September 2011):
 Dating someone who used to date your sister can be a very touchy and usually advised-against thing, but I believe that your case is a special exception to that rule. Here's why:
1. Your relationship didn't start out with the normal progression most relationships do. You started out as FWB, meaning you hook up and it doesn't matter about your past, present, or future love history. When you two first got together, it was no strings attached no questions asked sex. In the past year, it developed into more. It's perfectly understandable that he didn't disclose right away about your sister -- your relationship didn't begin with the mutual understanding of disclosure, since you were FWB.
2. Your sister. She seems fine about you two. That's the big issue. It doesn't sound like you stepped into this big huge messy breakup, nor did you help him cheat on her with you. You didn't betray her, and she sounds like you dating him isn't a big deal. That equates to a "you have my blessing" from her if you ask me.
So I think it's fine. He didn't deceive you, and your sister isn't crushed that you're dating him now. I say have fun and enjoy what you two have! It's not usual for a FWB to develop into a full-blown relationship, so consider yourself lucky!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): Thank you for all of the advice! I really do appreciate that.
It was several years ago, like back in 2003 when they dated.
My sister and I are close now, but weren't back then. She was going through a rough patch in her life and dated a lot of people.
I have never had any doubts of him lying, ever.
I feel much better, thank you! I could kiss all of you! =)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): If he told you right off the bat, how likely would you have been to have sex with him? Probably not likely knowing he was with your sister before.
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A
female
reader, neomum  +, writes (9 September 2011):
Enjoy yourself, Your sister should of told you 2yrs ago not now. I take it your sister already knows that you and him have been sleeping together and did not tell you because they were not serious with each other unlike him and you and she is happy for you.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 If I were him and an honourable person (which I presume he is), I probably would have assumed you knew - that your sister had told you already - and would not have wanted to taint what you share by bringing it up.
I am more surprised you sister waited so long to tell you. Are you two not close? Didn't she know you were seeing him this past two years?
If the relationship is special enough on it's own, I would enjoy it. There is nothing going on between your sister and your boyfriend now, nor has there been for years...
Good luck. :-)
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A
female
reader, Naughtyvixx +, writes (9 September 2011):
Personally i think that if you guys really have strong feelings for each other then your sister will understand. If she doesn't then... TOO BAD your love live is none of her concern. Trus is yeah, he should have told you before hand but maybe he didnt tell you because he really liked you and he didnt want that information to influence your decision. Honey, every guy has a past and even if his was with your sister it shouldnat matter so much as long as you are happy together 3
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): Well, if he isn't with your sister now, and they are friends and don't seem to have any other relationship, the only real issue is that he didn't tell you. If she seems fine with you dating him (which she must have known after 2 years?) then I don't think the relationship was very serious, or at least ended well enough that they don't cause drama. I don't know why neither of them told you, but I would say this isn't that big of an issue, unless he is just using you to get her back. But it doesn't sound like that at all from what you said. I would say as long as he is trustworthy otherwise, then just have a talk with him and say it was weird for you to learn after all this time that they dated. But I wouldn't break it off unless there is a lot of drama and it seems he is using you, cheating on you, or lying to you about a lot of other things.
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