A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married nearly 25 years. We met when I was very young and I loved him from the first time I saw him. We've had some really bad times. We have a disabled son, we've lost a daughter and a grand-daughter, who my daughter had when she was 16. He hasn't coped well with these problems, buried himself in work mostly. He tends to be obsessive with things like if he starts a hobby he'd start off one night a week and then it would take over. He rarely spent time with the kids. Now he supposed to be running a business but its not going well. He's come up with a system that is supposed to help him play the stock market. I just feel everything is left to me. Mostly I want to leave but I don't know how. I've no friends and no family near by. I don't want to cause upset with the kids who have already been through so much. Any advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel so depressed. He knows I'm upset but says nothing. Had a problem in the shop and saw one of the staffs boyfriends on video. I asked how long he'd been there and he said 10 minutes. My daughter just asked if he'd told me about it, how he'd been in all day and she'd just been sat doing nothing. He lied to me. I know it's nothing really important but he does it all the time. The staff member told one of the others that she was in trouble but the truth is he's unlikely to say anything to her, but her actions resulted in some expensive goods being stolen. Mentioned to my sister about my problems. She ignored everything I said, didn't even mention it. Am I being petty? I just feel alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks for replying. Praying isn't an answer for me though. I lost any faith I had a long time ago. I have my beliefs but believe I have to cope with this myself. I don't know if I can stay anymore. I'm fed up with always being last, feeling ignored. He tells other people things that happen but not me. I go to college, run the house, sort out everything to do with my son, do his books and hold down 2 jobs. He does 9 to 5, sits on the couch whilst I make dinner and then disappears upstairs to do his 'scheme'. It would be nice to think that there is someone who might make me feel wanted rather than used, but 25 years is a lot to give up. It breaks my heart when I see my engagement ring and remember what hopes I had to have to sort of family I didn't have. My kids are great. I've been so lucky with them.
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female
reader, Lani702  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 My heart goes out to you. You asked for any advice so I'm going to give it. Pray. Pray for guidance, pray for wisdom, pray to understand your husband of 25 years. I don't think leaving is the answer. Yes, everything has been left to you, because you are the matriarch of the household. You are the glue that keeps it together. Because you've been keeping it together for 25 years and will continue to do so. That's my advice. Pray and pray often. He knows all about you and will answer you and you'll know how to mend a situation that needs mending. And to help a husband (not to mention a wife) that is hurting. God Bless
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