A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What do you guys think? If a man is extremely attracted to a woman, physically and mentally, can he ever be just friends with her? Whether your answer is a yes or a no, I'd appreciate an explanation as to why you think either way. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): "extremely physically and mentally attracted" and "friends" don't fit in the same equation if you aren't in a relationship, one of those factors is absent. Unless it's like forbidden love or something. Or if you don't understand why someone isn't into you when you think they should be. The only time I've asked a question like that to one of my friends was when this guy that I liked would hang out with me ALL the time and the body language was there and then I told him my feelings and he avoided me after that. I was like, he's totally attracted to me and we get along like a house on fire, so WTF? Well, I had to face the facts that he probably wasn't totally attracted to me. The other time I asked that question was when this married guy and I became friends and yes, he did end up trying to sleep with me. I couldn't figure out if we were just friends or what. In that case, he was extremely physically and mentally attracted to me and no, it wasn't friends!
I could be totally off on why you wrote that question but it struck a cord with me because I've asked that twice and both situations weren't good news!
If there's a contradiction going on in your situation, think about this: "extremely mentally attracted" and "friends" do fit together. It's going to be the sexual part that sways the outcome for negative or positive. The sexual part has to be really lacking to offset the above two if he's avoiding you or not ready or just wanting to stay friends. If he's married, watch out because the sexual desire is strong if he's sticking around building that friendship. Well, those are my words of wisdom!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Not a chance if she doesn't feel the same because it would drive him outta his mind! Xtreme attraction makes him not see straight so being friends would be impossible.
Say she's a cutie but no fireworks, no prob. If he was single he'd test the waters but could take it or leave it & stay friends if somethin happened, or not do anything or stop something from happening if he thought he was gonna hurt her, if he's a decent sorta guy.
Married/shacked up or one that already has a woman & not a womanizer would stay clear of someone he felt hot for and being friends would be a no no in my book.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): He'll always be looking for an angle to have sex even if it would ruin the friendship if he's extremely attracted to her. If he's not that attracted to her then he may be able to think with his head (the right head) and keep it under control.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Not if they are married or in a relationship. There will be the tendency for something to happen and its a slippery slope.
If they are single then yes unless one of them feels more than just friendship and it's not reciprocated like the other posts said. Females handle this better than males and men cant handle being friends when they want more.
Men can be sexually and emotionally attracted to a woman and not be in love but women will be in love when they are sexually and mentally attracted to a man. in that case the woman can usually stay friends but the man can't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I'm considered attractive and I have guy friends that I know are attracted to me and I have to make sure I set good boundaries with them and so I think it's up to me to set those boundaries and it seems to work well. I make sure not to put myself in a position where something could happen because I don't want to ruin those friendships or feel used.
However, with one of those friendships the guy (who I had been good friends with for 5 yrs) told me he had feelings for me. I had never led him on in any way and told him that I didn't feel the same. Well, it turned into a mess. He told me not to talk about other guys around him and then started pulling wierd shit like getting angry if I didn't return calls the same day he called me. I tried to work it out with him and he basically told me he could not be friends with me any more. I was upset but I understand.
The point is, I think that most men are going to feel an attraction to you mentally and physically if they like you and are around you a lot, they can't help it. I think it's when they develop more intense feelings that it becomes painful to be just friends and that goes the same for women as well. Make sense?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Yes, he can be friends with her but there will always be in the back of his mind the idea of taking it further sexually. He may not have any romantic interest in her though. I mention that because women tend to confuse the two. I have female friends that are hot that I connect with and given the chance, I'd probably have sex with them if I knew they wouldn't expect a relationship with me. If I really like a woman and have a romantic interest in her, it would be impossible for me to be friends with her if she didn't feel the same, too much torture.
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