A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my mid twenties and I have the insecurities of a young teenager. I have some very strange complexes that if I thought about enough I could probably analyse but even that makes me uncomfortable. It's mainly about the typical body appearance but also about my role as a man in society. My g/f seems to follow societies rules and thinks I should be certain things but also says that she doesn't mind that I don't tend to adhere to these norms. The problem is, I am myself and sometimes proud of this but then other times I switch and am very embarrassed about my past, my appearance and my attitudes merely because they don't fit in. I'd love to think I was someone that doesn't care but I'm not. How do I get over this? Ridiculous things like if I'm sitting with my g/f and a nude male comes on screen my g/f will make a big joke or scene out of it (but probably no different to what anyone else would do) and I'll get full of anxiety, insecurity and all that even though my g/f says I'm fine in the buff. I often find myself feeling very demasculated by being around people, especially my g/f and often think I would be far happier completely by myself without the generalised judgments of others. This anxiety pops up about random things. I'll be feeling happy as larry and a mistakwe I made 10 years ago will pop into my head and I will completely change, I'll get quiet and irritable and generally anxious and upset. I just don't think I fit into society properly. I think there must be some underlying issues that I can't quite fathom or at least deal with but as far as I can tell they're all pathetic little issues that I'm creating myself but they seem to control my life! Is this normal?! What should I do? Any comments about any of this rambling will be greatly appreciated!!! thank you! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): I think a lot of people feel like they don't fit in, but most people just carry on and are fine. However, for some people that feeling can be really strong, until you start to feel that you are somewhat alienated from the rest of society, as if there is something wrong with you.
I have this feeling myself, all of the time. Sometimes I think that I was dropped onto the wrong planet! So you are not alone in feeling that you don't fit into society. And if you and I feel like that, then there must be a heap of other people who feel the same.
It is hard when you feel you should live up to society's expectations. I don't know what it must be like from a male perspective, but even women have the same complexities. I often don't feel very female-like at all. I don't define myself by my gender, but by who I am as a person, yet society seems to dictate that I should be dressing in a feminine way, behaving all sweet, gentle and unassuming. It is really difficult to shake up those stereotypes, but I believe that it can be done.
As for your other issues, in particular the way your mood can change drastically in such a short period of time...maybe you could speak to someone about it? Like your doctor, if that felt comfortable? There is help out there, people who can help you to make sense of some of the things going on for you.
I'm aware that you posted this question a little while ago, so hopefully things will have improved for you. Please remember that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Take care. x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Self esteem issues can come up from anything from a lack of emotional and intimate support during childhood, to social anxiety disorder, or to PTSD symptoms from unrealized traumas like child sexual abuse or family violence. The only way to really know is to see a professional therapist and start exploring the issues. Brains are funny things, and if yours is conjuring up insecurities in reaction to specific triggers, then your mind is telling you something. You need to listen to it, and seek help before things get worse. These sort of self-esteem issues rarely go away without some kind of outside influence, usually a psychologist or therapist. Don't be ashamed or afraid to seek the help you need in figuring things out (if you had a broken arm, you wouldn't hesitate to see a doctor, so why be afraid of seeking mental help if your mind is acting up.)
Good luck, and don't stop asking until you get the help you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): YEh everybody has insucurities...especialy me a male teen...and im just like youi switch sides all the time..
soetimes iom the idont care what people think about me guy, but i see a much better looking guy pass by with a girl on his arms and i change and start feeling down,depressed and judgemental towards myself.....
i guess we both have to except the fact that nobody no matter how you look or who you ar is perfect.....every single person has some different and good to contribute in life.....
so instead of thinking about the negatives...start thinking about trhe good things in your life....
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