A
female
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anonymous
writes:I am wondering how do you make a long distance relationship work?A friend of mine lives far away from me- about a 3 day drive or a 3 hour flight. And he wants to give a long distance relationship a go with me.I really do like him and care for him alot, but I guess I am just so afraid of getting hurt. We are both 20 years old. Even if we do give a long distance relationship a go, eventually someone will have to pack up and move right? You cant go on living that far for ages! I have thought about moving to be closer with him, but I cant until the end of the year as I am at university and won't be finishing my degree till then. But even then, I dont know if thats what I want. Although I am not attached to where I live as such, I have all my family here who I love so much and am so close too. I cant imagine being that far from them in a strange big city! I depend on my family for emotional support so much, I can just see myself getting depressed if I move that far away. So I guess I am thinking, if I am not prepared to move (although I guess things could change), then is there really any point? I havent asked him if he would ever consider moving, as I would feel horrible to put him in that position, he has a great life where he lives. On top of all this, there is sort of a trust issue. I know that trust is important in any relationship, yet probably even more in a long distance relationship, but I just dont know if I can trust him. I havent told him how I feel.He has a flirtatious personality, and he sucks up all the attention girls give him with a big grin on his face. Girls are always making moves on him, and he doesnt directly tell them hes not interested. He says he doesnt want to hurt there feelings. What about my feelings? I know we arent yet in a proper relationship, but he said he would never kiss another girl or anything yet, because he only has feelings for me. I can just imagine him, lapping up all these girls attention, and enjoying it, and I wont be there to give him any. I dont know if he is up for the challenge of not physically having alot of contact with me. I could handle it for sure. But I dont know about him.I dont know how to talk to him about this, as I fear he might find it confrontational. Any advice?
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 Heya, I met my husband in 2006, we spoke online but never banked on having a relationship because he lived in america and i lived in england. I'd previously had a relationship with a guy who was 1 hour away from me and that for me was to far a distance and that didnt work. however, i met my husband at new year 2006 as a friend and 3 days later we were engaged. we couldnt just move in with one another beause we both have jobs, families, lives that were separate but we went more than a year travelling back and forth and seing eachother when we could and talking to eachother when we could etc, and it works if you both want it to. weve been together now for nearly 3 years and we're just as devoted now as we ever were. If you want to be with someone enough you will make it work, if you have doubts before you evenenter into a relationship then it will be doomed rom the beginning - maybe finish your education and then consider your next step and see if you want it to go further - a relationship needs to be fun, there is no good that'll come from worrying about all the future elements until you have something to base them on - if he wants to be with you, and you want to be with him, no mater about his nature in flirting etc, if you both want it, it will work...Just make sure whichever you choose to do, you both try and work hard at it when there is distance..distance does make the heart grow stronger and you will certainally appreciate the time you get to spend together so there are good points, but again if you already have trust issues, perhaps long distance isnt right for you...You should go with your gut feeling :)xx
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