A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice. In the past year I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore. At the beginning of the year I realised that my 4 year relationship was unhealthy and not really going anywhere. It took me til June to finally cut all ties (which I kno is for the best) I thought I was finally over it, I was doing everything that my ex prevented me from doing the main one having a girly holiday with friends and when I got back I finally felt happy and ready to move on. I had a sort of 'friends with benefits' relationship with a friend and we seem to have a good understanding, then things just happened all at once I recieved an email from my ex (which I didn't read) but it floored me, just seeing is name confused me and I found I was going on nights out determined to have one night stands and feeling upset for no reason. On my friends birthday (the friends with benefit one) I slept with his brother and now he hates me. Last night I went out and pulled three guys one which I slept with. This is not me! I feel like I am taking it to the extreme, I have lost a very good friend through being a complete cow and I feel my other friends don't value me as much anymore and quite rightly. I just don't know how to put it right and I guess I am unsure of what is up with me. I just don't feel myself and I feel so alone through it all. It's making me think deep down I am just a horrible person and I don't know which way to turn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys,
Just want to say thank you for the responses it means a lot to hear that people don't think I am horrible. I will try and open up more and talk to my friends and come to terms with my feelings. I think I felt more over him than I realised and just have to try and carry on and move forward.
In particular the last response, I really appreciate what you said. It made a lot of sense to me and I thank you for taking the time to answer my problem.
Thank you again to all of you x
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 Hi,
You just need to stop and breath.
You've been a in serious relationship for 4 years, and I am guessing by your age, he was your first serious relationship, and first real love. You just broke up recently, and you need time to heal. I think you are pressuring yourself too much. Take your time... You are making wrong decisions, because you are not completely heal over your ex. Some people might get over soon, some might take longer. It all depends on the person, but it doesn't matter how long it takes, what matters is that you need to go through all your pain, before you are strong enough to move forward. It's horrible, when you work so hard, and the "email"? It only makes it more difficult. You probably feel, all that effort? Now back to Where you were few months ago?
Just know that you are not a cow, or horrible person. You are hurting, that's why you made the wrong choices. Be strong, be calm, and try to spend your time doing things that relax you, and make you feel happy. If you meet a guy, take time to get to know him, become friends, instead of being physical righ away. I know why you did those things, you were trying to get temporary relief, put your mind off... But, next day you realize it didn't help, or didn't make you feel better.
For now, stay strong and do not contact your ex. Do not fight your feelings, and if you feel sad, meet a friend, talk about it, you need to release how you feel inside. When you feel happy, be happy. When you are sad, allow yourself to be sad. You need to be kind to yourself. Let your heart, mind, and body heal before you get intimate with any guy try to make friends, thats what you need, friends, not boyfriend. You've
shown you are strong, and things will get easier with time. This is a new life, new you!!! It takes time to get adjusted to new things...
Feel better, best wishes/ good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): you're not really over your past relationship, you've just been trying to find replacements for it hence the sleeping around.
you need to try to get over your past relationship, for real.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Woah!!! First things first, stop the sleeping around!! This friendship you had, won't be salvaged easily, don't expect it to happen overnight! Try talking to him, tell him that you aren't sure of who you are anymore and feel lost.
You know you're acting out of character. Try talking to some other friends about this. They could help you, as well as trusted family members.
This might take time, but you are never alone, there is always someone to talk to. Good Luck!!
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