A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some help to be able to get back into my boyfriend's bed after finding him in bed with two girls a couple of weeks ago...now, every time I go into his bedroom, I get a sinking feeling and can't get into his bed.So, some background: we've been together 7 months, and I have fallen in love with him and him with me. Everything has been going great, and he has done nothing to make me doubt my trust in him. He even gave me a key to his place (which was a complete surprise to me) and said I can come and go as I please.Then, 2 weeks ago, he went out with some male and female friends, 2 males and 2 females were going to be staying at his place as they live in a different town. He got very drunk. Sent me a text a 3am telling me to call in on my way to work. So I went in to his house, opened the door, and found he was sleeping in bed with the two girls, and the two guys were in sleeping bags on the bedroom floor.I turned round to leave as I felt a bit weird about it, and he got out of bed and was only in his boxers! He told me nothing had happened, although he admitted he couldn't remember getting home/into bed as he had been so drunk. He was very upset, telling me he would never hurt me, doesn't want to lose me.I took some time to think, and realised that I do think I believe him. He said he won't do anything like that again. So we're back on track and everything is great again, but my problem is that I just can't bear to go into his bedroom :(When I go in, I see the bed and feel that sinking sensation, and I definitely do not want to get in or on to the bed as I just get images of him and those two girls in the bed :( He's upset by this, but seems to understand. He's asked what he can do to help, e.g., move the position of the bed. I've asked him to get new sheets/covers for the bed, but I'm not sure that'll really help. He's stayed at my place since then, and everything is fine here, we're physically intimate as we normally would be and all's good. It's just that bed! I try stopping the images I get by thinking about something else when I'm there, but I just don't feel comfortable. Any advice on what to do would be appreciated. Thanks :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Nothing is going to make that room or bed okay for you OP, it's a symbol what happened. It's a symbol of him crossing a very serious boundary.
His story is a pack of lies in my opinion, whether intentionally or not, what he did was very wrong. If it was really true and you really did believe him then your mind wouldn't hate that bed so much because you know somethings wrong. But as long as you don't see that bed then you can push what he did to the back of your mind.
How old is he OP? Is he in the same age bracket as your profile? Because if he is then how the hell did he think it was okay to do that? Drunk is no excuse OP, because if this is the kind of thing that he does drunk then what else does he do? Would you sleep in your underwear with two guys in your bed while drunk, if you have a boyfriend? I don't think so.
I think it's best if that bed stays OP, it will be a reminder of what he did, to you and to him, which is important because while you're trying to forgive you cannot forget. Forgiveness can be good but if you push it to the back of your mind and forget then you leave yourself open to being hurt again.
The only thing that will make that bed okay to lie in again is when he has completely regained your trust, once that has happened the bed won't matter. So keep the bed there, as a reminder and as something that will let you know when your trust for him has come back completely. But if he's going out getting lashed and letting girls sleep over at his place then that bed is going to be very busy still.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): If he smart and mature he wouldnt put himself at risk of these kinds of situations by going out and getting drunk. Alcohol in relationships is always risky, I dont care how old anyone is. He needs to change that as I feel its the source of the issue. If he doesnt, then these situations are bound to possibly cycle. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 He could get a new bed. Or you could just carry on as you do now, staying at your place instead.
Has he actually put effort into changing? Does he still go and drink with his friends? I'm not saying that he should stop completely but he should start thinking responsibly and set himself a limit. It's good that you two are getting along again, I just find it hard to believe his story. I don't know him though so don't take my word for it, just be cautious.
I hope that helps.
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