| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have never been interested in sex. I could go without it and this is causing a big strain between me and my boyfriend. We've been together 5 years. I find it so boring that I think of other things and have willingly said he can go with someone else. I especially won't do oral sex and won't show myself naked. I hate my body and lack self-esteem but I really wish I could enjoy sex, if that it was it supposed to come from it.
View related questions:
oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2006): i have been in similar situations and still am.... im very shy and under confident. ive been wif my current guy for 2 year and still never shown him myself naked with the lights on.... my last rlationship was for 10 years, i was 15 wen i started that one, and lascking male attention in the wrong ways, i thought sex was a tool to get a guy 2 luv me and stay around (u see, i was after sum serious attention as i had a father who molested my sister and gave aher all the attention and me none at all - i suffered in my own way, maybe not molested, but just wanting a guys luv). i had 2 kids and my body changed, i also changed and got sik of feeling empty or used or in a rlationship that wasnt meaningful and fulfilling. my confidence plummetted after kids, wif the changes 2 my body. anyway i didnt even know wot sex was meant to really be or feel like and then i met my current man and experienced luv and tenderness and my 1st ever orgasm. all things i never believed were possible... i learnt sex is meant to feel good and that it takes 2 for it to feel that way. there is something wrong for u not to feel like that, maybe its ur confidence, maybe ur man contributes wif that, but if u let him go to other girls and have sexual connections wif them he may also experience the emotional connection that sex can give you, and u may loose him... if sex isnt feeling right for you then dont do it, 1st figure ur heart out, find out wots making u feel this way and dont be pressured, BUT DO KEEP TRYING. sex is only plain sex if theres no emotional feelings, or thre isnt something right. sex is the closest act of love you can share with a man wen its done right. the 1st time i slept with my current man it was magical, and out of all the other 10 year of sexual experiences my 1st time wif him shone thru.... i cant tell u wot made me feel that way, as id never felt it b4, and i never believed its possible, BUT IT WAS!!!, he was slow and gentle and loving and he fulfilled me. god only knew that we would stay together but after that nite he could of left me (thank god he didnt) and i still would of felt that same magic, i would of been hurt and angry if he left, but there was no denying the magic i felt.... i went thru times in my life feeling sex was also dirty and shameful, that me feeling good during sex was somehow wrong, i fell to peices during sex many times.... learn your heart and your body 1st before u give it to someone else, although experience does help you learn what is right 4 u and wot feels good. i also find researching the topic anywhere u can makes 4 good knowledge, and a few drinks b4 sex always helped me (not to get drunk though, as u wanna remember and savour the experiences)...goodluck.
my ears are open at: [email address blocked]
from lee
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 July 2006):
 Ask yourself this: Am I happy this way?
If you are, you need to have a big talk with your boyfriend, and explain in no uncertain terms to him that you won't be changing your attitude towards sex. So if he wants it, he'd better go his own way, with your blessing. And good bye.
Alternatively, if you're ~not~ entirely happy about how you feel, have you thought about getting some help to find out what makes you tick? About why you're so embarrassed by your own body? About why you find sex so dreary/dull/frightening/revolting that you'd rather he did it with someone else? About why your self-esteem is so low?
Now, there are people in the world who don't need sex. From what I understand, they aren't repelled, they aren't bored by it; it just isn't something they think about. They're called asexual. So it's not that you're the only one in the world who's not into sex, but you don't seem asexual to me. It comes across as your having issues that frighten you, or repel you, so that you don't want to participate, because you don't want to be seen to enjoy sex. That's different.
There are things going on in your mind that you probably should try to understand. Although there are a few men in the world who can live without any sex from their partners, I don't know if you'll find one of the few. And that leaves you awfully lonely for the next 70 years or so, wouldn't you think?
My suggestion is that you go to your GP, get a thorough physical, blood tests and so forth. Let him/her know that you have little to no sex drive, so they know what to look for. Then, if nothing shows up on the physical side, ask for a referral to a therapist, to whom you can talk about why sex puts you off so much.
The way your letter is worded suggests to me that you want to get some direction toward solving this problem. Recognising a problem is a good start. Now it's time to ask for some help from some professionals.
Good luck, dear.
...............................
|
