A
female
age
41-50,
*onnie27
writes:I desperately need help. For the last 3 months I have been having an affair with a client of mine who is married and has been for 23 years (he has no kids). I have been married for 7 years and have a baby girl of 1 year. neither of us set out looking for an affair but we our attraction was immediate. He is 18 years older than me and although our lives are completely different I fell in love and believed he loved me. He kept emailing, txting and telling me that I was the most valuble thing in his life, that he wanted to marry me etc. We spent hours a day on the phone and as much time as poss together. The sex was amazing and I felt such a connection to him. 2 weeks ago we managed to go on holiday together but he was in constant worry over his wife. She found out about us as he was so careless and left lots of abusive messages on my phone. Then by accident my phone called her number while we were having sex and left her a graphic message or 3. Sinse we have got back he hasnt returned my calls or emails and I feel so lost and lonely without him. I cant function- I am crying continually and just find it difficult o get through the day. Please advise what to do- shall I go and see him or will i look like a stalker or should I send him a card telling him how much I love him? I just cant stand the silence and not knowing.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Hello, I have read your post and Mae5 Sept 18th, I think you should listen to her as it is a similair story of married men having an affairs and not in any way wanting any contact after the event. Leave this man alone, you have caused enough damage to him and his wife, now its time to make ammends at home, Mae5 has asked in letters and by going to meet the tutor and all she got was,it was a "moment" as she qoutes,how could you accidently record sex with this man? No wonder he doesn't want anymore contact, take note of all the other woman out there on this great forum that have had affairs and found out at great expense that a lot off married men are glad to be rid when the s**t hits the fan.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Hi There, this is so similiar to the posting on September 18th by Mae5 "My Paramour used me for sex" She has tried on numerous occasions to contact the Teacher who used her so badly,she has tried to get answers and has had no replies. You were the one like her having an affair with a married man and have to relise thats all it was. These kind of men are not interested after they have had what they want, I think you should get on with your life and thank your lucky stars that you have got away with this and only you are hurt by it so far it could be a whole lot worse.No good ever comes out of affairs only pain, and I agree with other people that no matter what was said at the the time he has proven that you were only ever a bit on the side for sex, hard fact but thats what comes of playing with fire. You have had answers by his silence so take heed while you can.Learn by your mistakes and make sure you don't ruin your life or anybody else's again, or your pain will continue for the rest of your life. All the best for the future what ever it may be. Janice x
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (20 October 2008):
 If you turn up at his doorstep or send him a card the word bunny boiler will come to mind.
It was an affair you may have fallen for him but he is ignoring you so take the hint you where a fling and the fact that he wont return your calls means its over and he is probably on his knee's begging his wife to forgive him for making such a terrible mistake.
Forget about this now and forget him you have a husband and a baby dont you think you should be concentrating on them rather then a married man who has gone back to his wife and probably thinks you are mentally ill after phoning his wife while you had sex and sending pictures by "accident" what where you doing having sex laying on your phone.
No forget about him and learn from your mistakes affairs are wrong and ruin lives!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Why would you want to add fuel to the fire by contacting him again and making matters even worse??? There is no way this man is probably going to contact you for a very long time, if EVER again..so cut your losses, learn from your mistake. Think about your own marriage, your child. And I have to agree, how does your phone just "accidentally" send graphic photos? Um...I've never heard of such a weird thing. Phones just don't dial by themselves. I hope you get things straightened out because you are in quite a mess. And if you're smart, you'll stay far far away from this guy, because you have no idea what his wife might do. I sure wouldn't try to be contacting him. That is asking for some serious trouble. Here's hoping you get it together!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Keep watch over your shoulder, it looks like Karma is coming around the corner and heading in your direction.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 October 2008):
His wife knows about you and now as far as she knows, you rang up to make her listen to you having sex.
It's no wonder he hasn't been in touch, his phone and internet accounts are probably locked up with his testicles on a shelf.
If you send him a card or go round then she is going to find out about it and it will only make the situation worse.
You have to come to terms with the fact he is married and you were only ever a bit on the side. Concentrate on your own marriage and child. It's going to be fairly obvious to your husband that something has happened and I think you either have to work things out with him or come clean and call it a day.
Good Luck!! xx
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